Comment by circlefavshape | Hacker News Reader

Comment by circlefavshape | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

To anyone who is not a parent reading this, please note that not everyone's experience of parenthood is blissful. The first few years of fatherhood were, for me, the unhappiest of my life.

Don't get me wrong - I've always loved my kids, but the physical and emotional demands they put on you, and the relentlessness of those demands, are impossible to understand from the outside. My youngest was almost two before she slept through a full night, and the constant exhaustion had a profound effect on my relationship with my wife, on our sex life, on my health, on my whole outlook on life.

Children are not experiments, they are actual really real people who will live in your house with you for 18 years or more. You will love them, yes, and hopefully they'll love you, but if you think love circumvents everyday practical difficulties then you've never experienced it.

New parents - please PLEASE don't only listen to stories of how amazing parenthood is, or you may get the shock of your life (as I did)

(FWIW my youngest is 4 now, and I'm probably the happiest I've ever been - but who knows what teenage years will bring)

That you. I am constantly annoyed that most parents aren't honest about how much babies suck.

Even after they have admitted that they basically killed their own children by beating them to death they will still claim that they are good parents and absolutely love their children.

Please don't get kids and treat them as an experiment. Don't get children, at all, unless you have spend significant time with kids and are completely sure about that you want children and have been so for years (not as in eventually, but as in right now).

And don't get them to "save the marriage". That you can even consider that as an idea shows that you are unfit to be a parent.

Babies are exhausting--except as regards nourishment I wouldn't use the expression "suck".

'And don't get them to "save the marriage". That you can even consider that as an idea shows that you are unfit to be a parent.'

There I agree with you--it seems a splendid way to start with 2 unhappy people and end up with more.

New parents - please PLEASE don't only listen to stories of how amazing parenthood is, or you may get the shock of your life (as I did)

that depends on the way your try to see/address the issues - and I believe also the level of stress parents put in. Of course it hard and has many downsides, but I think as it's shown in the article, depends on the way we see things and think about it can produce better results in our personal lifes as parents.

I'm a new father (my son has ~3m) and I started to educate myself and my wife to the times coming, because there are things we can control (not much, but there are some) in ourselfs because it will impact the children the way we act, and we know there will be different stages that we'll need to discover day after day, and many things we cannot predict, but we can prepare: mentally and logistically.

I believe that the main challenge of educate and learn with our children is rich in the ways the article also describe, but very demanding specially because there are lessons that we know as right ones, but that need to be adapted to the "new reality" due to the generation gap.

Raising kids can definitely fit the definition of "experiment." Their status as real live people isn't mutually exclusive with that.

And yes, infants/toddlers are a serious PITA.

Just updated the post to make my point clear.

Thanks for the feedback.

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