> Lisp is also a huge train wreck that way. [...] There's like 20+ different lisp like languages.
Lisp is not a language, but a descriptor for a family of languages. Most Lisps are not functional in the modern sense either.
Similarly, there are functional C-like languages, but not all C-likes are functional, and "learn c-likes" is vague the same way "learn lisp" is.