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Comment by Swizec | Hacker News Reader

Sorry, but ... why?

Just ask them for their number.

You are not a lion and they are not a zebra. You do not need to isolate them.

Whoa there Casanova - seems like a pretty good move to get into a private conversation with the person you want to get a number from. It's going to be awkward and have a lower probability of success if you shout your request across the table.

Plus... if she says no, you have now made everyone else at the table your second choice, and no one wants to be second choice.

Figuring out how to get everyone's number at once without looking creepy or putting anyone in particular on the spot is left as an exercise for the reader. ;)

(The first one I'd try: a friendly group contact info exchange suggestion, to be able to keep in touch, would let me then follow up one-on-one later over text/calling/facebook/your method of choice, without having to corner anyone.)

These days, could probably just avoid asking for contact details and find them on Facebook later.

There's that whole set of people that don't use Facebook ... also, creeper factor much? "hey.. I was searching for you on facebook, and... wanted to know if we could hang out" insert heavy breathing where most awkward to fit my mental image of someone stalking me on facebook

Maybe that's the key to making a good product in this space. Making a group connect web page for each get-together putting an optional amount of contact info in it after the get together. Also add an IM system.

Looks like you need to have Facebook to sign up, which I assume is how they screen people. Unfortunate, as I dropped my account a few years ago and I would have tried this, looks like fun.

You are probably right if you are adding someone with any mutual friends. If you can frame it more as "I saw you comment on x's status so I added you" that is fine.

"you have to isolate them"

My guess is that by "isolate" the parent means it would be awkward to have others at the table hear that you are doing that (edit: asking for a phone number) or it might make someone who wasn't picked feel uncomfortable or even the person you've picked might feel uncomfortable in front of others rejecting (or even accepting) a phone number request.

Maybe. But all of those are artificial problems that don't really exist with people who have gone beyond the emotional/social maturity of 14 year olds.

It's also a sign of cowardice. Cowardice is unattractive in potential mates.

No, it's not. It's a sign of empathy, attractive to potential mates. It isn't just you taking the risk (which you could ascribe to cowardliness); it is you needing to be careful to not shame your friends.

You are absolutely right. In matters of love and attraction fortune always favors the bold.

No, it's not cowardice. It's about being discreet. Though I agree with another poster in this subthread: just ask everyone's phone numbers (if the group is small enough).

It actually takes courage to disengage from a group setting in order to signify romantic interest in someone you don't know very well. The comfortable thing to do is remain in the group setting.

Your analysis of the situation is basically correct but your judgmental tone and general sneering attitude to those with social problems are the mark of a cock.

I'm assuming Grouper would have some sort of way to reconnect after a meetup? Seems like you could always communicate that way afterwards.

Isn't the whole thing supposed to be a dating site? Isn't the whole point of dating to find (ie: "isolate") someone you like and go do fun things together?

Settle down. It's just the logistics of socializing, not predatory.

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