Group dating site Grouper (YC W12) launches to 10 cities | Hacker News Reader

Group dating site Grouper (YC W12) launches to 10 cities

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75 pointslincolnq41 comments

I've gone on several groupers in NYC and it's awesome. Much better way to meet people than any other dating site I've tried.

Interesting—in what ways was it better?

Way less awkwardness. You are in a relaxed environment with friends, and there's much less scrambling for things to talk about, because pretty much everyone can tell awesome stories about their friends.

However, there is an increased level of awkwardness if you like someone from the other group -- you have to isolate them and try to get their number, which isn't always the easiest thing in a group of 6.

Sorry, but ... why?

Just ask them for their number.

You are not a lion and they are not a zebra. You do not need to isolate them.

Whoa there Casanova - seems like a pretty good move to get into a private conversation with the person you want to get a number from. It's going to be awkward and have a lower probability of success if you shout your request across the table.

Plus... if she says no, you have now made everyone else at the table your second choice, and no one wants to be second choice.

Figuring out how to get everyone's number at once without looking creepy or putting anyone in particular on the spot is left as an exercise for the reader. ;)

(The first one I'd try: a friendly group contact info exchange suggestion, to be able to keep in touch, would let me then follow up one-on-one later over text/calling/facebook/your method of choice, without having to corner anyone.)

These days, could probably just avoid asking for contact details and find them on Facebook later.

There's that whole set of people that don't use Facebook ... also, creeper factor much? "hey.. I was searching for you on facebook, and... wanted to know if we could hang out" insert heavy breathing where most awkward to fit my mental image of someone stalking me on facebook

Maybe that's the key to making a good product in this space. Making a group connect web page for each get-together putting an optional amount of contact info in it after the get together. Also add an IM system.

Looks like you need to have Facebook to sign up, which I assume is how they screen people. Unfortunate, as I dropped my account a few years ago and I would have tried this, looks like fun.

You are probably right if you are adding someone with any mutual friends. If you can frame it more as "I saw you comment on x's status so I added you" that is fine.

"you have to isolate them"

My guess is that by "isolate" the parent means it would be awkward to have others at the table hear that you are doing that (edit: asking for a phone number) or it might make someone who wasn't picked feel uncomfortable or even the person you've picked might feel uncomfortable in front of others rejecting (or even accepting) a phone number request.

I'm assuming Grouper would have some sort of way to reconnect after a meetup? Seems like you could always communicate that way afterwards.

Isn't the whole thing supposed to be a dating site? Isn't the whole point of dating to find (ie: "isolate") someone you like and go do fun things together?

Maybe. But all of those are artificial problems that don't really exist with people who have gone beyond the emotional/social maturity of 14 year olds.

It's also a sign of cowardice. Cowardice is unattractive in potential mates.

Your analysis of the situation is basically correct but your judgmental tone and general sneering attitude to those with social problems are the mark of a cock.

No, it's not. It's a sign of empathy, attractive to potential mates. It isn't just you taking the risk (which you could ascribe to cowardliness); it is you needing to be careful to not shame your friends.

You are absolutely right. In matters of love and attraction fortune always favors the bold.

No, it's not cowardice. It's about being discreet. Though I agree with another poster in this subthread: just ask everyone's phone numbers (if the group is small enough).

It actually takes courage to disengage from a group setting in order to signify romantic interest in someone you don't know very well. The comfortable thing to do is remain in the group setting.

Settle down. It's just the logistics of socializing, not predatory.

i had the opposite experience in nyc. i went on one with a few friends and the whole experience pretty lame. i regular date would have been much more fun

Why give your employees a puppy? That means they'll have to take care of it instead of working late.

https://www.joingrouper.com/jobs

Lots of companies let you bring dogs to the office. Instead of taking care of the puppy at home they can all bring their puppies to work. I'm not sure whether that's adorable or just strange.

OTOH, I'm not sure giving away puppies as a job perk is really in the best interest of the puppies....

I just sent in my resume, it looks like an interesting take on the dating/social evening niche.

Plus, I love the idea of companies pairing their employees up with dogs from local shelters.

I finally remembered what Grouper reminds me of! It's the fairly established practice of Gokon in Japan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gokon#Japan

And so the demise of civilization continues.

Mind, you could just say that's my own cultural biases talking (I was socialized in a manner you could call the "equal opposite" to Japanese manners), but even when you ask the Japanese how much they like their modes of socialization and living... they mostly don't.

Why do we continue to import customs from sufferers of depression at the level of a national illness?

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/fl20120212rp.html

EDIT: Very seriously, I'm not trying to start a flag-waving my country is better than yours contest, but I find it continually disturbing that happy countries are, by and large, ignored or ridiculed, while unhappy countries often export their mores, customs, and rules. For example, the very appearance of "group dating" as described in the article and in this comment thread pretty much demolishes the entire concept and point of dating: to get to know one person to the point of being able to form an intimate and (semi-)permanent emotional bond.

"to get to know one person to the point of being able to form an intimate and (semi-)permanent emotional bond"

One would expect that this service is a springboard that would lead to such "traditional" dating.

I might give this a try.

However, subtlety is a good thing in dating, so I don't know if I like the expectation that "everyone is looking." I think this might work well for younger people who might need a little more explicit guidance. More socially experienced people can usually figure out if someone is looking or not.

I prefer grubwithus.com - it's just meeting people without any expectations.

However, I really like that people are screened on grouper.

Didn't I see press last year that this site couldn't find enough women to match with male clients, and just started hiring girls off Craigslist to show up for free drinks? Or was that another similar service?

Both the app and the team made a strong impression on me. There is some real heat here. 3x3 is soo much better than double dating. And the 'bathroom intercourse' metrics are certainly a unique measure of 'penetration'.

Interested to hear what mechanics they are considering adopting to drive long term engagement. After all, who wants to bear the mark of having the reputation about town of being a 'serial grouperizer'.

Also, how do they plan to make money? Revenue share on the pre-paid date?

I've been on one in SF. It was awesome.

A TechStars company called Ignighter tried this a few years ago. ISTR they had trouble getting it to "take" in the US but found that it took off in India. They may even have relocated there.

I think they rebranded (or pivoted) and stepout is their new name and completely India centric. http://www.stepout.com/

This is the first I've heard of the YC Grouper ... I wonder if they know that there's already software published by the Internet2 consortium that is named (and trademarked as) Grouper - http://www.internet2.edu/grouper/about.html

Perhaps a name change would be advantageous, especially to avoid confusion with Groupon.

I'd be more worried about the associations with the fish than I would with Groupon ;)

But seriously - I don't feel like this is an issue. There are several companies out there with group-based names (Groupon, Grouper, GroupMe - to name a few) and I don't think brand confusion is a huge issue -- yet.

So this is sort of like a Meetup with no specific shared interest/activity, except a vaguely romantic objective?

"Drinking" is the shared interest / activity.

Great idea, this would definitely work in the UK

I know people will be thinking I'm making a joke, cageface might even call me a douche, but I totally read the name as Groper the first few times.

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