I remember being annoyed when a coworker had AirPods on constantly, even when conversing with other people. Obviously we could have a conversation, but it felt like they didn't value it enough to give it their full attention (I don't doubt the music was turned off, though).
In the early days when everyone was starting to get smartphones, there were lots of memes about people staring at their phones constantly and maybe walking into traffic or bumping into people. Constant smartphone use has been normalized now (for better or worse). In the early days, people felt bad when they pulled out their phone to look something up during a conversation, but that behavior is no longer looked down on. It doesn't feel rude if somebody breaks out their phone mid-conversation and starts scrolling for a little bit.
This feels incredibly rude, and I honestly don’t know anyone who would not consider this rude.
Arbitrarily scrolling in mid-conversation is rude, but somebody picking up their phone to look something up or read a text message now happens without a big fuss, whereas before, I think people were more likely to apologize for the action. It's acceptable to just pick up your phone now to look up something or check your messages during a conversation in a lull.
On the other hand, I see couples seated together in restaurants just scrolling their phones privately at the same table, so generally it seems like it's more "okay" to disengage to your technology.
I certainly wouldn't find that to be acceptable at all, and if someone I was with did that, I would ask them politely if they had something more important they needed to be doing, and if they wanted to postpone our catch up until later when they weren't as busy.
I still feel like this.
>It doesn't feel rude if somebody breaks out their phone mid-conversation and starts scrolling for a little bit.
And I do not agree about this either. Also, I think most of the people I spend my time with would also agree. But perhaps I'm (unfortunately) an outlier.
This says more about you than them. What was the point? To have a conversation or to get your coworker to behave a certain way? You're annoyed at arbitrary aesthetics, as if this person didn't show enough deference to your preferences, even though you were sure they turned off their music and you were able to have a conversation.
And the beggars, I really don't carry money anymore.
But having headphones in really helps avoid these people. I can see them looking at me, seeing my headphones and subconsciously eliminating me from their list of targets.
I'm not even really into music but I usually listen to nature sounds and have the noise cancelling on full blast. It also helps reduce stress and fatigue from overly loud city noises like big diesel buses, assholes that have to honk constantly when traffic is stuck, etc. I still hear them of course but it doesn't feel that heavy.
from my experience, strangers who start a conversation with you in public always want something, usually money
Before the walkman there was the newspaper as a tool for isolation. Besides, who says it is desirable that a stranger can strike up a conversation with me at any time?
The people that want this are overhelmingly living in villages anyway where they can do their thing.
Good. I'm not your personal entertainment machine. Bring a book if you get bored.
What's much more likely is that you and I are thinking of different scenarios. I'm not thinking about your average hellos, thank-yous, good-mornings, questions, requests for assistance, short remarks, et cetera. Few people would find those objectionable, and neither do I.
But the person monologuing about a singular uninteresting topic is so universally disliked that comedians have for decades been joking about sitting next to them on the plane. Or the salesman, questionnaire filler, petition peddler, or beggar trying to get something from you. I have yet to find anyone who likes those people. And then there's the chatterbox who just. won't. stop. talking. I think you can fill books with the number of articles written about dealing with them.
The problem with all those people is that they are hard to get rid of once you allow even a little bit. It's far easier to not let it get started in the first place. Headphones are a popular way to prevent that. You can even see it mentioned as a strategy in this thread.
Anyway, those people are imposing themselves. Loads of people dislike that, and so do I. These people are either out to get something from you, or are using you as an audience for their own stuff.
Yes, nobody wants Jehovas Witness, Salesmen, or Mentally Unwell people barging in and throwing a word salad at you. But, I don't know anyone (outside of very vocal online posters) who would be offended if we were standing in line and I casually brought up the weather.
I agree, BTW. It's the kind of thing I meant with "short remarks".
But while I'm not annoyed at such conversations, I won't miss them. They're a cheap sacrifice to make for not having to deal with proselytising and the like.
> Reddit/HN/"Chronically Online" asocial attitude
While remarks about the weather don't offend me, it does offend me when I'm being called "asocial" for refusing to be religiously converted. Please don't.
Interestingly, the 'Reddit/HN/"Chronically Online"' monickers are also anachronystic. I've not just been referring to books as a way to deflect the knee-jerk response smartphones usually get, though there was some of that. But for the most part, that is the implement people used "in my time" to avoid cumbersome people on trains. It works less well than headphones though, so I'm not surprised those gained in popularity.
I've had religious nuts, people who thought I should give them money after making light conversation, hookers, even people following me when I declined to give them money. I've even taken to carrying pepper spray at night (more forceful items are not allowed where I live). Never had to use it but I have been pretty close to it. I don't think it's allowed to use it on people here but when it comes to self-defense I'm the kind of "better a year in jail than a week in hospital" person.
If something happens worth talking about I'd strike up a conversation with a stranger in the metro or something, but on the street I'm a lot more careful.
But sure, I'll admit to writing in an abrasive style. So I'll rephrase.
"This is a good thing. It clearly signals to others that I have no value to bring to a conversation with a random person. Might I suggest you read a book on a topic you find exhilarating? It will be infinitely more rewarding than any conversation with me will be for you."
Happy now?
You don't have some God-given right to demand the undivided attention of a stranger. That is literally the behavior of a 5-year old. Grow up.
We can probably measure the impact this is having culturally specifically in non-western cultures, because their baseline is not as anti-social compared to the west.
I think it's also worth noting that many are not going to read this article and go "hah, they got it totally wrong". They didn't. Mass scale human behavioral change has the been the story for a while now.
I'm just being descriptive here, not normative.
The reason I live in a big city is that it has enough of a base to make even small fringey communities viable. Such as the makerspace I'm part of, and some more NSFW activities too. I'm sure 95% of people don't care about those things but for me they are very defining.
Traveling abroad and being a tourist, usually invites tons of conversation and sharing of culture from both sides, especially if the person visiting has put in effort to learn the language.
I'm more of the shy type, but I always enjoyed traveling by train with a friend who can strike a conversation with everyone.
And yet still, plenty of women report persistent men telling them to remove their headphones so they can engage in unwanted conversation.
The alienation was already there; the headphone just made it more acceptable to signal.
As for women who don't want to be approached, harassment is an entirely different issue. Just because talking to strangers and harassing women were more acceptable in the past doesn't mean that one follows from the other.
Unwanted advances, whether sexual, social, or commercial in nature, are all harassment. They all make the recipient uncomfortable, and others should be able to identify and respect anti-openness signaling like wearing earbuds or not sustaining eye contact.
I'll be sure to tell the Jehovah's Witnesses and floozies that they have selling solar that they're harassing me.
When everything is "harassment" nothing is.
Well, I absolutely 100% consider these types harrassing yes. The indicative parts is that they are 100% selfish in their reasons to contact (the jehovah's want to make themselves feel good by spreading their religion, the sellers want income). There's zero in it for me, there is zero consideration for me. I'm just a target for their gratification.
And they have no interest in my objections. I don't even open the door anymore to people I don't know because it's always bad news.
When someone tells you to stop and go away and you refuse, that is harassment.
This isn't part of the social conditioning, it is because most people are not very interesting.
since when?
I don't think my headphones are depriving me of some grand experience of human life.