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Everywhere I’ve worked I’ve found that the entire organization pays lip service to unit tests and code reviews, but then sets timelines so short and workloads so high that make real tests and reviews genuinely impossible.

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Not in my experience. Maybe I've been lucky. Try working for bigger, established firms for better chances.

Microsoft and Facebook not large and established enough?

Yep, add Apple. (Although it varies across teams so I can only speak for my own experiences.)

Once upon a time (my career there was 26 years) code reviews, unit tests were alien. I enjoyed my job much more then.

Can echo that - it's pure lip service - the deadlines are arbitrary and change often, and nobody cares about quality beyond "can it appear to work plausibly at a demo". There are notable exceptions - nobody wants to be the next Knight Capital but a lot of work is not seen to be that critical so off to the next ticket it is.

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