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Once in a while I’m happily reminded that I haven’t had to worry about this circus any more since I switched to Linux some 5 years ago.

You can get the same effect by uninstalling Office on Windows. In that you don't have a bloated start time anymore, but also can't use Office.

You still have to deal with the rest of Windows.

Windows update reinstalls office even if you never installed it or opened it or own it. It’s reinstalled through most updates and on reboot.

Odd, I don't have it on any of my computers.

Office? I've never seen that.