Yup. Mastodon has this issue. Can’t pick a big generic instance because it could get defederated for spam/being too normie; can’t pick a small instance because it could get defederated over some ridiculous drama [1][2].
Normal people (and even some not-normal people) don’t want to deal with that. “Instances” are a bad model.
[1]: https://tootworld.social/@lilythelonelygirl/1143999833553083...
[2]: https://tau-ceti.space/@lo__@mastodon.social/114394202556951...