Comment by kevingadd | Hacker News Reader

Comment by kevingadd | Hacker News Reader

I'm always honest in my exit interviews, and I've had quite a few of them. I've yet to have this result in "burning bridges", despite often having harsh things to say (I was leaving, after all) - and in a couple cases so far I've been asked to come back to help solve tough problems (often some of the ones I mentioned in my exit interview).

Of course, I don't have a particularly large sample here: just three companies. If I had followed the advice in this article, however, I'd never know what might have happened if I had actually spoken my mind, and I think that's a tremendous waste. If you've already taken the initiative to leave a job, why let yourself be so paralyzed by fear that you won't speak your mind in the exit interview, the interview set up by the company to attempt to capture the reasons for your departure?

I don't believe in corporate loyalty, and I don't believe that you owe a former employer much, but I'll say this: If you want to be viewed with any integrity, and as a person of merit and a person that your coworkers - and even your former employer - would consider worth maintaining a relationship with in the future, you owe it to them to be honest in an exit interview. This doesn't mean you should take it as an opportunity to vent and say horrible things just because you can, but you should be honest. If they opt not to act on your feedback, that's their fault, not yours, but if you fail to give them actionable feedback that's your fault.

For my first exit interview (2.5 yrs, Big3 Indian Consulting Firm), I was leaving purely for the low and unfair HR compensation policies. I had not planned what to say in exit interview, but the way it turned out is I flipped the question back on HR:

"How many exit interviews have you done in the last 3 months? (I knew she'd done atleast 10-15). And tell me top 3 changes or actions that you've taken based on them"

The discussion hilariously turned towards how she didn't really have the power to do anything, except to be a pretty lady face on the way out for soon to be ex-employees and 'give feedback to senior mgmt' but without any power to influence any remedial measures.

If you are working in a big company with more than hundreds/thousands of employees, you are leaving pretty much for one of these 3 things: 1. Compensation 2. Compensation in other name(promotion, rank, perceived status) 3. Bad/asshole mgmt, stupid policies etc everything else that makes Scott Adams successful.

In such orgs, by the time you are giving exit interview, almost anyone responsible up-down in your chain knows why you're leaving. And everyone knows nothing's going to change just because one guy is leaving.

So don't expect much, don't give much. Just say your goodbyes and leave.

Great comment kevin, I'm the original OP.

I value being viewed as someone with integrity. If I'm using this exit interview as a chance to be honest with them for the first time, then it's my fault. By the time I made it to the exit interview, everyone in the room knows 100% why I am leaving. I have already tried to change the situation, and it didn't work.

If a girl asked you if she was fat (and she was) are you going to tell her that she is fat? Or are you going to lie? Everyone in the room knows that she's fat. No, you're not. You're not going to ruin her day. That's how I view an exit interview. We all know the truth and If you're going to make me say it on record on my way out, the message will make it back to management and I will look bad.

I guess this post makes me look like a miserable POS, but it's really the opposite. I've had great experiences working for great companies. At a recent job at Big4 firm, the CEO of the firm sent out my resignation letter to the entire company because of how great it was. It was a positive email, with no negatives. There was some constructive criticism (very, very minor criticism), but it didn't make it to my good bye letter or exit interview. I kept it positive and in the end it worked out great.

//I've had great experiences working for great companies. At a recent job at Big4 firm, the CEO of the firm sent out my resignation letter to the entire company because of how great it was. It was a positive email, with no negatives.

But, now that you wrote this post, I guess people are going to doubt what you wrote in that letter... haha

If a girl asked you if she was fat (and she was) are you going to tell her that she is fat?

An old coworker of mine had some fun advice... He said if his wife asked if some outfit made her look fat, and it did, then he would say so. He would tell her what he didn't like. As a result, he doesn't have a fat wife with ugly clothing (and he retains a wife).

I value an honest relationship, not one covered in cute little "white" lies. People who deal with me come to understand that. For them, it must be refreshing to not have to question my motivations, to wonder if I really mean what I say. And if I care about them, I am surely doing them more good by answering honestly.

Never confuse honesty with poor delivery. "Heck yeah, you look like a fat, sweaty, slobbering pig." The right words depend on your relationship. You can be sensitive to that person's needs and answer the question they really asked.

So perhaps that was a poor analogy. With regards to the exit interview, I think there is something to be said for focusing on the positive and trying to keep the emotions in check while presenting more objective responses.

It must surely happen coincidentally sometimes. Nevertheless, your choice of adjectives made me think you might have had this in mind:

'big, fat, slobbering pig'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtMU8nvZzOs#t=3m09s

"Close But No Cigar", Weird Al

If think I am with robbiea on this one, if you get to the point where you are at an exit interview then management should already know why you are leaving, if they don't then that's your fault for not making your grieviences be heard. It should be at this point you leave they have not been able to rectify the situation.

An old coworker of mine had some fun advice... He said if his wife asked if some outfit made her look fat, and it did, then he would say so. He would tell her what he didn't like. As a result, he doesn't have a fat wife with ugly clothing (and he retains a wife).

An honest relationship would be where the truths have been told all along. Telling your wife she looks fat as you walk out the door is not gonna give her enough time to try and make a change.

I personally think it is important to remember to be professional. Keep emotions in check because it can be far to easy to vent and say how much of an asshole everyone is.

That said, sometimes a place will piss you off that much that you just don't care. I worked at a place like this once and now look back at it as a learning experience. I am much much more picky and inquisitive about the job, role, tools, machinery, atmosphere etc before I even consider accepting an offer.

Same here. I've always been open and honest in my exit interviews too, and have never experienced any burnt bridges as a result. And honestly, my sample size is pretty small too.

In all of my exit interviews, I've treated it like an employee review: I talk about the good things about the company (things to continue), the bad things about the company (things to avoid), and my suggestions on how they might be fixed.

If someone's worried about burning bridges as a result of something negative they might say, just end your interview with suggestions on how the situation could be improved.

Personally, I don't think a policy to encourage outright lying is ever a good thing.

One way to be both honest and not burn bridges is to say "I don't talk behind people's back". So either HR will bring in the parties involved (not likely, but in case they do, you can get your point across to them directly, probably in a constructive manner), or they won't, which you get to keep your honesty and integrity.

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