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Comment by asdfman123 | Hacker News Reader

As a guy who's dating in his 30s I'm just envious he's able to choose "the best woman" and doesn't feel his options are limited to the only woman in online dating who's willing to stick around

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I can't believe I am the one on the other end of this comment. For real. I cannot believe I am typing this out. Me, the eternally damned one is now the virtuous savior typing those empty feel good words on the internet.

I met her when I was 35 and she was 36. Totally unreal human who is the best person I have ever met. She settled on her ex-husband and after 5 years they split amicably, both understanding their mistake. She was "too old" so she figured she would just live a solo life. After a few years her friends made a profile for her and put it up. Its been two years and people are still jealous of our intense bond. Currently I'm looking for a ring.

Hold out hope, it's not totally over. I was you for many years.

Thank you for your reply. I love hearing stories like this.

I believe I will find the same eventually, it's just the search and the waiting that's running me ragged.

Happy for you, brother!

Well... that woman is de facto the best. One of the great secrets to life is that happiness is found primarily through changing your mindset, not through changing your circumstances. It's easy to say and hard to do, of course. But it is true. You'll be a lot happier if you can focus on the good qualities of whatever woman you find in your life, than if you look at her in terms of "she's just the best that I could do".

> One of the great secrets to life is that happiness is found primarily through changing your mindset, not through changing your circumstances.

Not at all in relation to dating (rather to something related to age) that was exactly what I needed to read today :)

The right woman to marry is the one you're married to

I should know by now that complaining on the internet is seen as an invitation for people to give you bad advice, yet I still do it from time to time anyway.

Who you marry is the most important decision of your life and ending up with someone you don't even like that much because she's the best you can do is a terrible idea. Who would want to be the woman in this situation?

The women you meet in online dating are much lower quality than the ones you meet in real life, and a part of you is aware of that. The answer is to meet people in real life.

The woman who I thought was "best" that I was wildly in love with a few months later cheated on me. I've never really fully recovered from the ordeal.

That said, as I've entered my 30s things seem more strategic. I want love more than ever and after re-locating to the SF Bay Area women seem more sparse than ever.

Idk if modern women in america "stick around" anymore.

It's online dating. Most of the women in the pool are either using it out of boredom or are dating non-monogamously, and that doesn't work out for most guys.

I think a lot of women use it as a hookup app but women often take their time and are more cautious when trying to hook up.

Women who aren't just looking for a hook-up often filter out because they meet a lot of guys who just want that.

Honestly, as a man with a family and a kid, maybe, just maybe, not getting a family is a blessing, especially for people who have to try hard for that.

Just maybe, fight for your passion and forget about family and kid. You might find them on the road that you avoid them.

Yeah, it's important to live your best life and try to forget the world. But in the meantime I can pine a little.

I get it. Good luck! Hope you find someone that share the same value.

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