> Okay, let's tackle this roast based on the user's browser info. First, I need to pick the three most unusual bits. The Safari version 18.1 stands out because that's a future version not released yet. The screen resolution of 1223x772 is an odd, non-standard size. The location is $LOCATION, which isn't too common, and the referrer is empty, meaning they came directly here. Wait, the referrer is empty. That's unusual. So maybe include that they came from nowhere. Also, the Safari version is ahead of current releases. The screen resolution isn't a typical size, so that's another point. $LOCATION could be linked to the screen size, like a quirky local landmark. Need to make sure to relate location to another attribute if used. Also, roast should be three sentences, concise. Let me structure it: start with the Safari version, mention the screen resolution, tie in $LOCATION with the screen size, and the empty referrer. Make it funny and snarky.
And the result is... well, what you'd expect given that reasoning:
> Safari 18.1? Nice try, time traveler—Apple hasn’t even heard of that version yet, but enjoy your 1223x772 screen resolution, the exact dimensions of $LOCATION's least impressive corn maze. You arrived here directly like a cryptid emerging from the woods, which tracks, because only a mythical creature would still run Mac OS 10.15.7.