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Comment by matt_daemon | Hacker News Reader

> The cost of praise is small. The value to others is inestimable.

Cannot overstate this point. Many people I've worked with (myself included) have suffered from imposter syndrome at one point or another. Hearing from your manager or someone you respect that you've done a good job often makes a world of difference.

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I often wonder why it's so hard for some managers to provide praise. It's almost as if they didn't want to feed egos out of fear.

Fear and a scarcity mindset, many people treat things as a zero-sum game when in practice the sum is usually greater than the individual parts.

The advice in the article is great, and much of it resonates with what I have seen over my career as well.

Praise is only valuable when scarce.

US-style "great job" praise for fulfilling basic tasks devalues actual positive feedback and should be avoided.

Failing to acknowledge actual great work is also detrimental.

There's a balancing act and it's hard to get right. It also depends on the person.

I would say: Praise is only valuable when honest (rather than scarce).

Praise should not be seen as "money": the problem is not the amount.

Praise should be seen as a feedback tool, i.e. getting to know the truth of how valuable the work is. Feedback without honesty is not usable.

Both are true, as praise is absolutely a currency that can be devalued like any other.

Given with abandon, even honestly, it loses its value to both the disponer and recipient. That's something that many in management roles never appreciate and is one of the reasons that some give it too sparingly. They've found that abundant praise loses its utility and come to the incorrect conclusion that scant praise is best.

I once had a boss who used to say (and lived by) "the absence of criticism ought to be praise enough". His thinking was that employees aren't children who need to be praised for just doing their job.

Did he consider an absence of criticism to be praise of his management technique?

There was no absence of criticism of his management technique. In fact, the topic came up as part of that critism.

Honestly it can just feel weird. Like when I praise someone I feel like I’ve put both me and the other person into an emotionally vulnerable state. Sometimes it feels more comfortable to remain detached and “professional”. Could just be my own neuroses though

It can be a even real mutual feeling but still there is massive added value in such praise for both giver and receiver. Depends on how its done obviously.

I’d say that yes it adds huge value but that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to do

It's not easy. Depends on the culture where one grew up, too, and family values weigh a lot in this. But when people from many different backgrounds get together to work, praise is the kind of thing that prevent networks from falling apart.

Sure it’s just the original question is “I don’t get why they don’t do it” and “because it’s hard” is the answer

I make a habit of always praising my colleagues when they help me or deserve it. It has made work so much more enjoyable.

Can you explain what you mean by your second sentence? Is it that your colleagues became more friendly?

Of course. I often thank them publicly for their assistance when i ask(ed) for their help. When i started praising my colleagues i noticed two different changes.

I myself became more friendly and more sociable around my colleagues. Giving compliments feels nice. The other was that colleagues indeed became more friendly and respectful both towards me and each other. Meetings became more friendly. Getting help was easier.

I can't speak for the original commenter, but for me, it serves to remind me that I'm working with some very talented engineers, which feels good. Plus I think it helps to build trust, which is useful when you're not seeing eye-to-eye on some technical or product issues.

First, I absolutely love your username, 10/10! On top of others' impact on you when they give you some kudos or encouragement I'd like to add that [authentically and honestly] offering those kudos and encouragement to someone else also feels pretty incredible, compounding the effect.

And it really is important to reiterate the unintended, outsized impact your positive comments can have on the recipient. I've personally had 3-4 different people who I've known or worked with throughout my life come up to me years later and tell me how some [to me] small, offhand positive comment or compliment I'd given them had completely changed the course of their thinking on something or had kept echoing in their mind ever since.

I had had no idea until they told me.

So I guess it's also equally important, if somebody else has positively impacted you like that, to let them know what they did! It will likely completely surprise and encourage them.

His take on insecure people not giving others enough space is also an interesting observation and well phrased. It's the inverse situation, and the symmetry works in a fascinating way.

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