Well, you explained it in your second paragraph; to respect the family, and the deceased themself. Some causes of death (suicide, overdose, etc.) come with a lot of private information about the individual that they might not have chosen to share.
I refuse to adhere to this ridiculous idea.
I mean, I'm curious too. I think it's normal to be. But life goes on either way.
"Lost battle with <disease>" could be used to refer to depression -> suicide. "Sudden [cardiovascular event]" or "died in their sleep" could be suicide or overdose. etc.
I lost my wife suddenly and unexpectedly. The event was intensely traumatic for me and devastating for our extended family. One day, she and I were planning for the future. The next, I was left to raise our child by myself. In many ways, now several years later, I am still picking up the pieces.
In the days and weeks following her death, I did the work of making public announcements about her passing, funeral arrangements, collecting stories and photos to share with our son. I received many questions asking how she died.
While I appreciated the concern and believe it fair to be curious, I chose not to share details outside of our closest friends and family. The last thing I wanted to do was relive the experience. For me it was too painful.
Honestly, I could care less about the public perception. It has had no bearing on my grief and responsibility to our son and extended family. I have not spent one ounce of energy thinking about how my choice has affected others outside our closest friends and relatives—they are the only ones to whom I have ever felt any sense of obligation. I have no regrets about this.
As for Noah’s family, I respect their decision, whatever it may be, whether conscious or not. My heart goes out to them.
(Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ruby/comments/1hmynb3/noah_gibbs_co...)
I think what I wonder a little bit more about is why it's seen as inappropriate for people to just wonder what happened, even though I feel that's a natural human response, especially if they knew the person in some way (as long as that wondering doesn't move into boundary crossing).
(FWIW I perceived your comment as "natural curiousity" moreso than gawking, thanks to your respectful hedging.)
Furthermore, such questions can sometimes come across—or even be—blameful. For instance, asking 'What cancer did they die of?', 'Were they a smoker?', 'Were they obese?', or 'Did they work with chemicals?' might suggest judgment or responsibility, even if that’s not the intent. And as mentioned, sometimes it actually IS the intent (trying to find a way the person caused this on themselves), even if the person asking tries to cloak this, perhaps also to themselves. This can add unnecessary pain to those grieving.
I think not wanting to know unless the information is volunteered is also a natural human response.
I admit I wondered as well but I also know that most answers would be incomplete. So instead I watched a video of his. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPkJGU7Itb0