It is truly an extravert's world.
What you just described sounds like torture to me.
What you just described sounds like torture to me.
If that's "torture" (per an upstream comment) I don't know what to say.
Sure, but it isn't as likely to get you new opportunities in new fields the way being extroverted is.
The extrovert has loads of low probability opportunities; they tend to be more varied due to the breadth of their networking.
The introvert is selling to people they know; if they get to the point where they are asking for the opportunity I predict they land a larger percentage than the extrovert. Because they’re drawn from a smaller network, however, they are also likely to be in narrower fields.
In a career of 15+ years I don’t think I have ever reached out to an ex coworker, not even once. My current company happens to be particularly “prestigious” at this point in time and I have received hundreds (yes, 100+) of LinkedIn messages from ex coworkers ranging from “meet and catch up” to “can you refer me there”. Some have gone as far as finding my phone number and texting me, after they didn’t receive a reply on LinkedIn. The nerve someone has after causing me so much pain and stress during code reviews or random acts of corporate backstabbing to ask for a referral years later. I ignored each and every one of them.
I am not saying this is healthy at all and I well understand the problem is “me”, I would say I suffer from quite a bit of misanthropy against pretty much every coworker I ever had, and on top of that I am an extreme introvert, relationships forced upon me cause a lot of contempt. Fortunately I have a very small circle of people that I love (wife, blood family and a few good friends), so despite the misery of my comments I am not too unhappy when I’m not at work.
To be clear, I am not the one looking for part-time gigs, I have decided that the solution to my struggles is to become financially independent via above-average frugality and diligent savings/investing, and then withdraw from the obligations of modern work. Technically I am already there, just trying to find the courage to quit my current (and last) job.
Given all the people who seem to be making you miserable at work, and how much you seem to hate the job overall, what's keeping you from just walking out the door tomorrow and never returning?
A literal 7 figure paycheck, which substantially pads my savings. Waiting until my next major vesting cycle in a few months to get out from corporate forever!
Yeah man, the problem is 100% you. That's a crazy thing to say. Have you ever seen a therapist?
And how in the world do you expect these people to just magically know that you're a weirdo? The nerve to reach out after having reviewed your code.. man I'm baffled.
Yes, I have a right to have an opinion on how other people’s behaviors make me feel, and so long as I’m still functional at work it’s not a problem (and I am, I always put up a good face and don’t cause any drama, I will refactor my perfectly working PR 1000 times to make all the nitpickers happy). Fortunately “being functional” doesn’t require to answer their referral or Zoom request years later, the hell with that, why would I want those people in my life again.
I simply have no tolerance for most coworkers and managers, it is not that hard to believe and I know a lot of people who despise their coworkers, I am not a unicorn.
My spouse is pretty much the same and has her own small solo business because she couldn’t stand the 9 to 5.
My dad, a very wise man living in a different side of the world and the happiest person I know, decided in his 30s after a corporate stint that he couldn’t live his life being told what to do by managers and coworkers, and became entrepreneur. Clearly he had ups and downs, but he has always been very happy with the independence this choice afforded him.
I earn 7 figures a year through my job in Silicon Valley and so I am putting up with this fundamental pain until I have enough to withdraw, which should be soon!
I'm sure a lot of people have issues with some of their coworkers, but hating all of them across multiple jobs is insane. If you smell shit everywhere you go you probably need a shower.
> Yes, I have a right to have an opinion on how other people’s behaviors make me feel,
how others act is outside your control. how you interpret and 'feel' is within your control, and quite empowering when you take the reins.
> and so long as I’m still functional at work it’s not a problem
But what about when you retire and carry this this forward, likely alone.
Sounds like you have 'good' problems. Good luck to you.
Curious what you mean by this: once I retire from work, what life situations will force me to be in close contact for 10+ hours a day, for years, with people I wouldn’t otherwise want to deal with, ready to cast their arbitrary negative judgement on everything I do and put pressure on me due to their own demons, pet peeves and rat race ambitions that I couldn’t care less about? Because that’s really my problem, I have wonderful relationships with wife/family/etc., with whom I am very much aligned in terms of life goals, so these issues do not occur outside of work, or are temporary.
I expect my early retirement to be just wonderful, and I can’t wait for it to happen. I just reached 100X living expenses in 2024 thanks to a generous market, just looking for one final 401k max out in 2025 and a tiny bit of courage!
If you have the same experience with most of your coworkers whenever you go, perhaps your coworkers aren't the problem?
> I well understand the problem is “me”, I would say I suffer from quite a bit of misanthropy against pretty much every coworker I ever had, and on top of that I am an extreme introvert, relationships forced upon me cause a lot of contempt.
I love my “bat cave”, working from home (live alone), I don’t generally like talking to people, even about relatable topics, but I noticed precisely what the OP is saying, the benefits of some interactions, even if they are not my cup of tea, so I kind of trained myself to go to (some) Meetups, conferences, talk to people, even at work (social channels). I forced myself through ALL of those at first. Now I’m pickier, but I can find myself enjoying most of the ones I pick.
I’m not saying introverts should become extroverts, as long as we don’t dismiss the benefits of (some times) behaving like the other.
Of course if you want to live a quiet life and avoid socializing very much, and want to be a successful independent contractor, those might be fairly incompatible goals.
We are talking about what is essentially sales and marketing skills.
I am the life of the party but I would never try to freelance because I hate sales and marketing so much.
This is all really asking how to start a business without having to do sales and marketing. Obviously, that is not going to work.
One can either gain these skills or do something else.
I'm certainly not the classic stereotype of the outgoing sales rep (whether that's a fair stereotype or not) but that didn't keep me from attending a ton of conferences, customer meetings, and giving public presentations.