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Comment by pinkmuffinere | Hacker News Reader

(I’m not op) The full quote is

> At the end, while technically alive, so little of who they were as persons remained, they might as well have been dead.

It sounds like there was some severe mental decline. When undergoing this kind of mental decline, does anybody remain happy? That’s meant as a genuine question, not rhetorical. Of course I’ve heard of the cases where people are constantly scared, feel unsafe, confused, etc. But I wonder if there are more peaceful examples that just make “boring” stories, and aren’t recounted.

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My mom ran an adult foster care home. Half the population was elderly, half developmentally disabled. I liked helping out with the developmentally disabled folks. They were a handful, but they were basically enjoying life. But the elderly wing was mostly people warehoused and waiting to die. I remember happy moments, but I don't remember anybody who I'd call happy, and quite a lot of them were miserable.

There was one guy, an occasional escapee and reasonably physically healthy for his 80s, who had severe Alzheimer's. He just wanted to go home. All the time, that's what he wanted. I forget the details, but he didn't have a home anymore. Nobody came to visit him. We did our best for him, but what can you do with that?

We did our best for all of them. But I remember one evening over dinner where my mom and my brother and I were talking about getting our medical/legal paperwork in order. My mom said, "If I end up like that, just wheel me out to a field and leave me."

We couldn't, of course. But when her time came, we did move her to hospice as soon as there was no hope of recovery. She lived her life and bravely fought the end of it, but she didn't want to be kept around as a body, a shrine to her former self. A choice I deeply agree with.

My Oma went through Alzheimer's. Sbe went from being a functional adult, to forgetting how to speak English, to mistaking family members, to recognizing no one, to being unable to feed herself over the course of 10 years. But she seemed happy most of the time, usually smiling, would light up when she saw people, she would attempt to sing along to whatever music was playing. So I'd say she remained happy most of the time, which made it much easier to deal with from our end.

I’m sorry for your loss. Her story brings me a lot of comfort, thanks for sharing it.

My mother passed from Alzheimer's. There was a few-month period in the middle-end phase where she no longer had the capacity for long-term fear or existential dread, but was still able to eat food and listen to music. What remained of her was reasonably content until things progressed. Happy? No, not really. But it was a lull in the storm of pain that preceded and followed. A silver lining to the mushroom cloud.

> When undergoing this kind of mental decline, does anybody remain happy?

According to some people I know who work in care homes: yes, some people do. They're confused, have no idea what's going on, but are nevertheless mostly happy.

(but that is in no way to negate the fact that many don't)

Yeah any time I've been to a nursing home they have a lot of activities to keep them stimulated - usually some sort of musical performance every week day (usually by volunteer community groups, sometimes school kids), themed days ( Valentine's Day, farm day, pet day, Easter, Christmas, etc) - even the immobile and mentally-declined still enjoy the music and patting a dog.

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