- for diffing, the matching of the leaves is what matters the most, for merging the internal nodes are more important,
- for diffing, it feels more acceptable to restrict the matching to be monotonous on the leaves since it's difficult to visually represent moves if you can detect them. For merging, supporting moves is more interesting as it lets you replay changes on the moved element,
- diffing needs to be faster than merging, so the accuracy/speed tradeoffs can be different.
Packaging parsers into separate executables seems like hard work indeed! I assume you also considered fixing the tree-sitter grammars (vendoring them as needed, if the fixes can't be upstreamed)? Tree-sitter parsers are being used for a lot more than syntax highlighting these days (for instance GitHub's "Symbols" panel) so I would imagine maintainers should be open to making grammars more faithful to the official specs. I'm not particularly looking forward to maintaining dozens of forked grammars but it still feels a lot easier than writing parsers in different languages. I guess you have different distribution constraints also.