Firstly im so sorry to hear this. I can completely empathise as i lost my father who was my best friend to Pancreatic Cancer. Like you, one day we were fine and joking, the next day my world collapsed with the news. Uncontrollable sadness, then anger, then desperation and the why me / why my dad. I just wanted to write to you to say that you are not alone. You dont know me, i dont know you, but i wish you and your partner well and send thoughts and love. It is a surreal thing to happen. I remember looking at other people living their regular lives smiling and laughing and thinking, how can they be happy. An unbelievable amount of varied emotions. Seeing really unhealthy people, or bad people on the news, and i know this sounds bad, but wondering, why us, why not them. Just mind spinning type stuff, a plethora of every conceivable emotion. I hope you have loved ones you can vent and talk to. Again, you’re not alone.