The point I'm trying to make is that everyone always cites the no hair theorem but completely leaves out the "stationary solution" part, leading to misconceptions. My thought experiment highlights that one can't treat a black hole as a particle that only has mass, charge and angular momentum in a dynamic world, because such a treatment must inherently lead to instantaneous updates to large regions of spacetime in response to 'stimuli' (in the form of mass, charge or angular momentum) for super massive black holes, which is impossible.