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> so many completely unnecessary small compatibility issues

All of the breaking changes were deprecated for years. More than enough time for people to get their shit together.

there's perefectly working stuff from php from over 20 years ago that only had to keep up with security patches

Unlike the Linux kernel ABI (and I think the JRE bytecode spec), PHP never made a "write once, run eternally" commitment.

And stuff from 20 years ago is likely to be riddled with bugs, not sure when exactly mysqli with prepared statements entered the field.