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That's still the difference between lost in the mountains and "my coordinates are X, Y".

But it's still a mobile phone transmission power (1W?) and then r^2. Distinguishing that from noise seems mind-boggling.

Really just makes one think what sort of capability military has.

Check out the Orion series of Sigint birds[1]

" The satellites have estimated mass close to 5,200 kg and very large (estimated 100 m diameter) radio reflecting dishes."

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orion_(satellite)

But just to clarify, because I'm also having a hard time imagining this, an LTE antenna in a cell phone can beam data to a satellite and have it picked up? Even at whatever low kbps? That is insane to me!

Yes. It's been demonstrated a few times.