Comment by potato3732842 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by potato3732842 | Hacker News Reader

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The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money then maybe the other guy dodged a bullet too depending on what he's after. I found myself turning down the class intentionally a lot because my current income/wealth level exceeds the norm for my background at my age and I don't want to live with someone who doesn't share my social/cultural norms.

It reminds me of a passage in IIRC it was Keith Richards biography (maybe not him, but definitely one of the Rolling Stones) where he was flabbergast at what his wife (he married up in some ways) spent on a chandelier. Not that he couldn't afford it, but he just wasn't from the kind of background where you spend a bunch of money on a chandelier and was rather ticked off by the expense.

All that said, a f-ing bed frame seems like a pretty stupid thing to skimp on. You can get them, any pretty much every other piece of furniture, for free on CL or FBMP if you're not picky and don't mind waiting a big for something decent near you.

Re-read this post and seriously evaluate what's actually being described. Dodged a bullet from what? A low quality gold digger? Normal well adjusted people have standards and unless you're going to make some absent minded appeal to norms in other cultures one of those standards is an actual bed complete with a frame. It's a low bar to reach for.

From someone who is going to spend a lot more of his money than he is, on things he thinks are completely unnecessary.

It is simply a matter of utility. Bed frames do not provide much utility, and cost money, which seperates me from my early retirement.

Tech bros are probably making this utilitarian decision more consciously than the woman was considering her own mate evaluation feature detectors.

A more intelligent, less shallow woman would have connected the dots. Had the male been percieved as sufficiently physically attractive she would have ignored the lack of bed anyways, and addressed the lack of aesthetics with communication like an adult human being.

I say this as a tech bro who wore ten year old clothes with holes the first time I met the girl who became my wife. The situation was resolved simply. I threw away the old ones, and I gave her a budget of $200. She took me shopping for outfits. It was fun.

You may want to reconsider your position on the matter. If someone rejects another human being due to not having a bed frame when they live alone that is sufficiently shallow that it indicates some inner growth is in order.

I honestly cannot tell whether this is an intentional troll meme attempt. This is just too good to be true.

A more intelligent, less shallow woman [would've seen past the lack of a bed frame]

[bed frames] separate me from my early retirement.

ahahahh so you will retire 15 minutes earlier after a lifetime of sleeping on the floor, what an intelligent trade-off

It is not a joke or a troll.

I have made the choice to save a few hundred dollars here or there many thousands of times. It adds up. I do believe living frugally is virtuous.

I do think not acknowledging others care, sacrifice or not, for utility over aesthetic is shallow. I know people who would not have made such a silly judgement. I appreciate that quality in those people.

Calling a woman shallow for being concerned about your sleeping conditions sure sounds like trolling.

It is disingenuous to call it "conditions" as though we were discussing a negative quality of sleep or negative health influence a merely unframed mattress would not realistically cause.

I think needless over-concern with aesthetics is a very common issue. I do equate it with shallowness. I think most people do consider it to be shallow.

I do think many of the worlds problems are caused by excessive attention to that which does not matter, and not enough attention to that which matters a lot.

It is a difference in values. To give context, I grew up poor. The first 16 years of my life I slept on futons on the floor. When I finally did have a typical american bed with frame, headboard, boxspring, and mattress, it made me uncomfortable.

I eventually gave away the headboard to a sibling. I value the extra few inches beyond the mattress and do not like hitting my head, or hanging my feet over the edge. The discomfort cost was not worth the aesthetic gain. (I didnt think the headboard really looked good anyways.)

If a woman rejects me solely for my well considered preference in sleeping platform, she is shallow. I would hope she cared for more important things such as the way we treat eachother, reliability, patience, etc. Moral virtue. Living inexpensively, being happy with less, the absence of vanity. These are good qualities. A good person will be able to recognize these, and love another for them.

I remember the experiment a while ago with the ban on political topics on HN.

What this site more urgently needs is a ban on any discussion of sex or dating. It’s always pretty sick-making.

I do not see this as a political topic. I do not see this as a men versus women topic. I see it as a discussion of value, utility versus aesthetics. I do think people care too much for aesthetics at the expense of their own utility. I do think that condition is aptly called shallowness.

I didn't say that it was a political topic. It's a lot closer to being that than to being what you think it is, though.

Semantics

No, I really just didn't say that it was a political topic.

Ah I see. I misunderstood. Why do you think posts that are of that type should be banned?

There's a de facto ban on discussion of anything even vaguely feminist such as pay differentials, it always gets flagged off the front page immediately. There's very, very few women posters.

Occasionally people post "population decline??" articles, which also suffer from lack of women participants, and deserve to get flagged off.

A bed frame both increases the lifetime of a mattress, and the general cleanliness. This massive amount of round about thinking is pointless when your initial assessment of what’s going on is wrong.

I wouldn’t want to date someone who doesn’t have a bed frame not because not having some arbitrary furniture is weird, but because not having a bed frame is gross. And all these mental gymnastics you’re going on about saving $100 as someone who probably makes six figures screams to me that you have several massive misunderstandings about day to day living that will cause you serious health problems in the long run.

The last person I met that didn’t use a bed frame also used the dishes that he eats off to wash his outdoor boots.

I live in Japan. I sleep on on a big futon on the floor with my wife. Additionally our apartment is incredibly clean.

Most devs in the world do not make six figures. Many people who make six figures still unwisely live paycheck to paycheck. That is only in the US. Here in fukuoka the average dev pay is just over 2k a month. I make more than that, but I grew up poor so I save money.

I am not sure why you are so aggressive about bed frames. It is unreasonable to be this judgemental about something as minor as a bedframe.

I would like to reiterate. Any human, male or female, who rejects a mate based solely on their lack of bedframe is shallow. That person should reconsider their values.

FWIW a mattress on a hardwood floor can grow mold on the underside

You are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry to hear that.

> she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money

What, is the money supposed to be under the mattress?

It's certainly a very clear signal that money - keeping it, not spending it - is the most important thing in your life. Which is of course a very clear signal that you're not going to make a person an important thing in your life.

Where did you grow up that to social norm is a bed with no frame?

Where ... social norm is a bed with no frame?

Poverty is one I've seen personally.

Recent flood victims is another but I think that's a riff on poverty. They have a zillion priorities for their meager dollars. They also didn't foresee being flooded 3x in 2 years.

> The other side of that coin is that if she can't tolerate mattress on floor to access tech money

... I mean, this isn't most peoples' primary intention when dating.

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