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Or, do the best of both worlds.

Get your web server involved and it becomes brainless:

We’ll introduce server-side caching in the future, but a goal of this script was to provide users with the latest CSS/JS at all times...

Surely, it would be acceptable to microcache for a few seconds? It's rather easy, with nginx in front.

+1 Not to mention that a stylesheet named "_dynamic.php?v=blehbleh&lx=12&vs=4.3.3" isn't really welcome.