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Comment by NayamAmarshe | Hacker News Reader

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NayamAmarshe

Here's how I'd phrase it to make it sound less creepy:

> How did your parents meet?

(Share something about myself and then ask) Where are your parents from?

> What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade?

What was your childhood like?

> What’s a decision you’re trying to make right now? Do you want to walk me through your thinking?

So, any big plans for the future?

> What thing did you buy for under $50 that brought you the most joy/convenience/utility?

Do you like shopping? It's such a chore for me.

> What do you believe most strongly that you can’t prove?

Do you follow any religion or spiritual practice?

> What do people misunderstand about you when they first meet you? What do your best friends know about you that your acquaintances don’t?

I think sometimes people kinda misunderstand us without knowing us well. What do you think?

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Considering these all as creepy is beside the fact that not all of these questions benefit from being replaced. The nature of a lot of these questions is to use specificity to learn and connect about highly specific things in life, which a lot connection is based around. You find it creepy because it's very personal. You don't need to say it like a serial killer, but getting personal is the whole point of this post

> What was your favorite thing to do at recess in 3rd grade?

Tell me how to say that when knowing someone and without sounding like a tryhard or a weirdo.

If you actually know someone and you really want to tease that out you don't ask them, first you invoke nostalgia organically, then when you're both tripping down memory lane you offer up your own favourite thing from recess in primary school (starting fires with a magnifying glass, say) and wait.

More often than not they'll gift back a similar story of their own.

That was not the question - these are meant for someone you don’t know.

The question asked that I replied to was:

> Tell me how to say that when knowing someone

The answer I gave works much the same in either case.

I'm sorry, english is not my primary language. I meant <getting to know someone>, what the original post context was about.

I'll respond to your intended meaning of "getting to know someone" instead of knowing. First, 'sounding like a tryhard or weirdo' is a judgement call you make. if you suspect that is how you'd sound, of course that is what you will think others will perceive. Second, you don't need to force it; nothing in this advice says "ignore all semblance of conversational flow." Thirdly, and more directly, people will only distrust you if they detect you are insincere. There's so much more to communication than words. People appear as not-quite-right even with eloquent speech; people can appear sharp while speaking very simply. This is because it isn't in the words. It's hard from the analysis of this webpage to evoke the feeling of desiring to connect with someone, which is the whole point in the first place. That feeling, which is just you honestly enjoying human interaction, is sufficient for avoiding appearing as a tryhard or anything like that, because it is just you acting honestly.

> Do you follow any religion or spiritual practice?

There are whole classes of spiritual practice that do not involve belief or wishful thinking.

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