With all due respect, I wouldn't commit any crimes if caffeine was suddenly illegal. I'd have headaches for a few days and that'd be it.
I'm sure you're right too, but it's not a particularly convincing argument. I've definitely seen behaviors that horrify me from some of the caffeine addicts in my life. I bet caffeine prohibition would lead to a rise in domestic disputes, for starters, followed by Starbucks speakeasys and coffee cartels.