Hacker News Reader

Comment by nytesky | Hacker News Reader

Is the u shaped curve just a proxy for financial condition?

Young people starting out didn’t make much but eventually earned more saved and could look forward to a house and affording a family

The U curve is lowest when career starts plateau or decline, financial demands for college couple with a mortgage, and then once kids launch and mortgage is paid off (because you could afford to buy in your 20s), happiness rises.

View on HN

I would also expect child support and alimony demands peak from 35-49 or so. It's got to be stressful knowing if you can't come up with the cash not only will you starve but you'll be tossed in a cage and your professional license, dl, and passport revoked

People are expected to care for their own children, yes.

Point was probably about the higher ratio of these people

Child support actually is a transfer payment to the custodial parent with no check any of it goes to the child, 'child support' is a misnomer like 'patriot act'. Taking care of the child is a separate consideration, it can be spent on the kids, shoes, or a case of jack daniels.

Then you can take your ex to court and get custody. It’s not like this situation wasn’t considered.

I’m paying $400/hour for someone’s divorce attorney currently, $5k retainer and will cost at least $10k-$15k in total. Due to it being a no fault state, they’ll be required to pay their ex $2500-$3000/month (not tax deductible, after tax) for at least five years (even though the ex can work and is highly educated; this is a state mandated support formula based on duration of the marriage [~10 years] and each of their incomes). Thankfully no children. This comment ignores the cost and effort required, both to reach an initial settlement and to challenge or modify ongoing custody and financial arrangements until children reach age of maturity.

Every time you’re engaging your attorney, the clock is running, and that usually isn’t the only cost.

You aren't going to get custody of your child support payment is $10k/mo and your ex only spends $1k/mo on the child.

It is not considered. Custody and child support are two separate matters and judges are not allowed to consider child support (its payment or its use) as a part of their decision on custody, per federal law.

The custody system does not work at all how you’d intuitively guess. Courts do not put the children with “the best parent.” I’ve so many friends who are in anguish because their children are abused by the custodial parent and the courts refuse to take any action. 90%+ of all custody appeal requests are denied without being heard.

Assuming our custody system is reasonable, fair, or expeditious is a luxury only had by those who have never been at its mercy.

Cheaper not to have them and risk the outsized long term financial obligation. ~43% of first marriages fail, ~60% of second marriages, ~73% third marriages. Roughly half of all children will see the parents’ marriage fail or them separate (per the CDC).

Those numbers are a lot lower for people whose first marriage is in their 30s and/or those who are financially stable. (Each of those ~halves the risk of divorce).

> financially stable

> halves the risk of divorce

For men, becoming unemployed more than doubles your chance of divorce. This effect is not seen for women.

Citations:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x | https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-020-09506-x

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323934884_Why_does_... | https://doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.32674.12489

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-07-28/don-t-bla... | https://archive.today/5f7hF

https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/au...

You can also make sure, before you get married and/or have kids, that neither one of you is an unreasonable jerk. Then you can work out custodial arrangements and financial obligations like reasonable people, as most divorced people I know seem to do.

This does not appear to be widely practiced.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com