This is terrible advice to someone you know virtually nothing about, other than the three paragraphs they chose to type out about themselves. The first part, fine, it only affects a consenting adult. But I always hesitate to cheerfully tell someone to go ahead and sign up for a minimum of 18 years of responsibility for a human being, a human being that you'll be responsible for molding into a happy, healthy human being - a thing that's surprisingly easy to fuck up to the detriment of not only them, but everyone they touch.
This advice is slightly more irresponsible than suggesting to someone that they get a face tattoo.
OP: "Every day feels like prison."
HN Advice: "What you need is an irrevocable, lifelong commitment! Get married and have children!"
This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conceive of it.
I don't suggest doing it to people as a form of therapy.
Your advice is bad.
I don't think this conversation is useful past this point.
People shouldn’t have kids to soothe their existential malaise; they should have kids because they actually want to devote their lives to nurturing another living thing. They are not a prop for your personal growth. This is really, really harmful advice.
FWIW given the rigidity of your thinking, I would really hate to be your kid by the time I started having opinions of my own.
P.S. You being out here responding to every single comment without hesitation and not reconsidering your position in the slightest is a sign of bad thinking.
Can confirm, it's torture.
"fine", "great" & "awesome"
of course there are many issues with this poll, i will not debate that fact, but at least we now have some data to work with!
Funny. You make a snide remark to OP "Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong." and immediately follow it up with "here's this opinion I disagree with that is bad thinking, because they don't immediately change it based on a few comments from internet strangers".
I really, really, hope you see the hypocrisy here.
In case you’d prefer something more prosaic: there is a difference between stating a contrary position and implying that other people’s positions indicate a defective worldview from which they should seek to free themselves. Or, more simply, there’s a difference between attacking a point and attacking a person.
I would also add that your last point is a bit of a straw man. I can scarcely clarify except by restating my point: spamming a thread with kneejerk retorts instead of taking the time to reflect on someone’s criticism is a dialectical red flag.
"Create children in order to cure your existential dread" only takes into consideration the needs & feelings of one of of the potentially many humans affected by such a choice.
Nobody fucking cares about the severe pain of the victims this sort of advice creates.
>Darwinism (as you imply, it makes you well rounded, almost like an Aristotelian Happy person, without the virtue ethics.)
>Utilitarianism(some combination of advancing humanity to reduce pain and increase pleasure)
>Hedonism(Nothing matters, enjoy the sensory experience)
What if you have a child just to make yourself feel better and that kid goes on to have a shitty unhappy life wishing they'd never been born?
Sounds like a pretty shitty excuse in my ears, sorry.
Forcing a child to go through it all just to give your own life meaning? Totally selfish.
Using that as an argument for not having children is beyond silly.
Just say that you don't want children, it's ok, you don't have to make up reasons and try and convince others.
I think you're missing out on something amazing, but that's just my personal opinion.
And children are amazing.
In pervious times there were more options because there was very little divorce and people, for the most part, paired for life, which meant one-to-one pairing was easier, and, for people who didn't pair up, there were options such as monasteries, convents, etc
I am not an expert, just an old man, so take this advice for what it's worth: perhaps try getting involved with a church in a volunteer capacity and really focus on volunteering/helping other people. This may lead to finding someone you are compatible with and, if it does not, will give you a family-like (with all the good & bad associated with that) environment in which to connect with other people.
Take care of you health (sleep, exercise, and eat well), dress in a put together fashion, take care of hygiene, have interests that excite you and you can share with others, and finally socialize more.
I think the best piece of concise wisdom I've ever read is, "to be interesting, be interested". Meaning not only to have hobbies and interests, but to be interested in the people around you.
You've also got to be be brutally honest with yourself about your prospects.
Pretend for a moment that mate desirability is objective and quantifiable, and that we've got every available woman in your area charted on a bell curve of desirability. The top 0.01% will say NO to you every time, because they're looking for a male in the top 0.01% of desirability (i.e. Gavin Newsome lookin' motherfuckers with Marth's Vineyard money). Meanwhile, the bottom 0.01% will say YES every time, because you're a HUGE catch from their perspective. Somewhere in the middle are many, many women who would be interested in you.
If you're struggling to find women who are interested in you, the cause is likely either A) not searching in earnest, or B) you're over-estimating your own desirability, and thus fishing in unproductive waters.
Myself, I think my problem was that I didn't want the job. I'm not even that thrilled about having to work my actual job.
I second this. I was in a similar position as the OP and after having a child the perspective has changed quite a bit and soul crushing jobs are a lot more bearable, meaning is no longer tied to the job.
Someone on either side of the argument who follows this advice may find it's not what they expected, for better or worse.
Purpose frees you, not traps you further, if you embrace it.