I feel like I own my Mac because it doesn't bother me for anything and lets me do what I want. The iPhone, less so because it's secured against me in many ways.
I've re-read what you wrote several times, and I can't help but come to the same conclusion that the problem you're reporting is related to "constantly bugging" and "Apple gives you no option to skip the updates". Turning off the updates solves both of these.
Now you say you want the harping, but don't want the automatic updates. That's easy: "Check for updates" is on, "Install macOS updates" is off, "Install Security Responses and system files" is off. Now you'll be alerted but the updates won't happen automatically.
I'm not sure if you really couldn't figure this out, or if you're just venting a bit, so I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt. Either way, now you'll have exactly what you want :)
It seems like a valid use case (except it goes against Apple's policy of encouraging people to upgrade), but awfully awkward in the context of disputing "(Mac) doesn't bother me for anything and lets me do what I want".