Another detail is that Chinese people generally retire at 50, and turning 50 prompted the author to reevaluate what they were doing and write this post.
Source: Chinese. My dad and us lived with his parents, looking after them. We're not from some village, parents were professionals in Hong Kong.
How does this work? Your children move in with you, or your parents move in and then you provide not only for yourself but also for your parents?
What do the parents do in the household? 50 isn't an age where you are considered old age... in the west at least.
My dad did well as a professional and provided for all of us including some spending money for my grandparents. My grandma passed away in her 60s so it wasn't long but my grandad stayed with us until the end, no nursing home or anything. It was great because I got to live with him until the end, seeing him every day.
My grandad spent most of his time going to yumcha, day trading stocks at the stock brokers offices (very common past time for the elderly in HK), playing majong and cooking. It seemed like a pretty good retirement. He lived to his early 80s.
He did retire early by western standards. He was a logistics foreman then a small shopkeeper. The bargain is that he provided for the kids so they then took care of them. Oh also he would have worked longer than most of us, barely finished middle school, definitely no university.
I guess I'm the first generation that has broken this long tradition. My parents don't expect to live with me, but would like to live nearby.
It's not a new concept, it was common in Europe too. The concept of children leaving at 20-ish and then just being away the rest of their life is what is new.
The main idea is that your parents supported you financially during your childhood, studies,.. now you owe them to support them. Sometimes other distant family members will also ask for money without shame as it is kind of a due if you can afford to.
It is very strange as it is a completely different mindset as the western one where elders are always supposed to support younger ones, even if they might be wealthier than you. For a parent to not be able to pay for their children is usually shameful.
on the face of it, a beautiful multi-generation lifestyle, if it weren't focused on boys.
because that is the reason why having a boy is favored. why one woman told me how her husband was in prison because he defended his wife against her father who attacked his own daughter for not having children. why another woman had a nervous breakdown because her first child was a girl, to the point that she rejected her own daughter and it took years for her to recover and accept the girl.
these are just anecdotes, but their severity suggests that this expectation is not uncommon.
the irony of the second story is that the husbands parents weren't bothered by the girl at all. they loved her. it was the womans own upbringing that caused her reaction.
Isn't it rather one child looking after two parents these days?