It's perfect, actually. Its pithiness reflects the limitations of the walled garden in which the mind that conceived it lives. Normally, when you read "I fucked with the iPad. Hard", you'd think that at the least a soldering iron was involved. Maybe even wires, multimeters. Maybe hacking the boot process using gdb. Maybe an oscilloscope? That would be wow.
No. When your range of expressivity is passive consumer to passive-aggressive consumer, you are reduced to a small essay that ends with the whimper, "Can't wait to see how I feel about iPads next week". The only qualification to be a repeat Apple consumer is the complete lack of self-awareness and this essay is beautiful in encapsulating the cheery vacuousness of the cult.