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Comment by mattpallissard | Hacker News Reader

I've tried explaining this feeling to people so many times. Unmoored is a good word.

We now live in a place where the locals are warm and welcoming, but I'll never be one of them. My kids are, but I'm just a little different. When I go back to where I was raised, I'm no longer a local there either, just a little bit different. It's more than the place itself changing. It's as if there is some continuity that's been broken somewhere.

It's not bad, just odd. I can't quite put my finger on it.

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An old partner of mine described herself as a TCK, "third culture kid": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid

As a kid we never lived in a country more than a few years. Now, everywhere feels a bit off. And I feel a bit off everywhere.

Which, you are right, isn’t bad. Just odd.

Unmoored is adequate.

interesting. i moved around as a kid a lot too, and later as an adult as well. but i have the totally opposite reaction. as a kid i didn't have any friends because of the frequent moving. but i love exploring, and now i feel at home everywhere i go. every place creates new memories, and i make new friends. especially going back to any place a second time always feels like coming home to me. whereas getting to a new place fills me with a sense of adventure. moving to a new city or country is like exploring a new neighborhood in my hometown. i guess the key point is that i feel as connected to the place where i am now as to the places where i grew up. effectively, the whole planet is my home.

I get the "the whole planet is my home". It’s just that to me there’s no reciprocity. It’s a one-way thing. And no matter where I am, I know I’m just passing through.

what kind of reciprocity are you looking for? i made friends in most places, and outside of europe i generally felt more welcome too. but then, i grew up pretty disconnected from family, so i probably just don't know any better and what makes me feel at home is different from what you might expect.

As a military brat, time is intrinsically connected with place for me. Once I leave someplace, it's often some time before I'm able to visit again, if I ever get to. I became aware very early in adulthood (maybe, unconsciously, in childhood) that what's thought of as familiar is reliant on temporal as well as geographic proximity. Things cease to exist as you knew them quite quickly.

Even if nothing gets built or demolished, trees grow.

"Without roots"

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