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"Damage caused by car washes is not covered by the warranty." in the owners manual seems to contradict that statement.

The preceding sentence explained why. Car wash damage is surprisingly common. I've known people who have had side mirrors damaged (not Teslas) and seeing damage to rear wipers is common enough that I've seen the results of it.

This whole story was essentially made up by mischaracterizing some guy's tiktok. :facepalm

Except everyone I've spoken to has had car wash damage covered by their dealer, except Teslas.

That seems unbelievable to be honest. You mean if the car wash breaks a wiper the dealer just replaced it?

I had a hard time getting my dealer to replace what was clearly warranty work (engine issues) due to them pretending the factory warranty extension didn't apply.

And here you have dealers replacing things that are explicitly excluded? Weird.

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