I know you don't want to sounds sales-y, and there are ways to offer this without sounding like a salesperson. Just an idea
> If they need money or a gift to tell me about their pain point, it's not a pain point.
This just doesn't follow. There are issues I face, but still have no incentive to spend time explaining them to you.
If you phrase it that way, it sounds like win-win. Free dinner AND I get to complain with no social downsides!
Yeah the coffee was just an idea to plant the seed that you value their time and feedback. It can be a steak dinner / massage to unwind from all the pain they experience around "X", etc.
Be careful how you position this so it does not come out as "paying for their time" and more like you value their time, this way you can weed out those that just want the incentive