So then I had a smartphone with android crapware and a very bad UI.
It did keep me from doomscrolling at the bus stop, so there is that.
I suspect the "iPhone of modern dumbphones" hasn't been invented yet. My gut feeling is there are about as many reasons people want to use dumbphones as there are people using dumbphones so getting "one dumbphone to rule them all" the same way the apple and Samsung have is a ways off.