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The title alone is already contradictory

Even without reading the article, you can imagine things like "Runner A beats runner B in a sprint. Runner B beats Runner A in a marathon. Which one is faster?"

The title suggests that different VPNs are fastest in different measures/tests, so no single VPN is clearly "fastest" in aggregate.

yes, the article suggest that. Not the title.

The equivalent title for your analogy would be "Runner A is not the fastest runner, but neither are the others"

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