Save a file: file_put_contents()
Load a file: file_get_contents()
Trim whitespace: trim()
Print a string (even numbers!): print $str
Dump an array: print_r()
Print the stack trace: print $e->getTraceAsString()
Want to embed HTML? Go ahead, _without_ any of this nonsense: print "<table><tbody><tr><td>"+str(val)+"</td></tr></tbody></table>"
Want to check for errors and improve the quality of the code? Go ahead! Use lower level functions like fwrite, fread, etc; most functions return FALSE on error, use try/catch, throw Exceptions, create custom Exception classes, go nuts with over-architecting if that's your thing.
Also, as someone who knows C and C++ rather well, I find PHP completely intuitive, very easy and flexible, as opposed to:
if __main__=="__main__":
main()
and passing self around is just plain redundant.The icing on the cake is that a huge part of the built-in functions wrap and extend existing C functions: strpos, strlen, so the language rarely gets in your way. The docs are pretty good (there's room for improvement).
So you can be a zealot all you want, but the truth is: the language doesn't make your code reliable - YOU make the code reliable and, from my experience, people who bash a language rarely know what they're talking about and it usually just boils down to personal preferences like braces vs no-braces.
Lastly, I wish you all the best in your fanatic bashing of a good tool that has proven itself appropriate for web applications. Everyone's tired of the following example, but I'm going to say it anyway: Facebook (and thousands of other large websites). Feel free to be in denial about that.