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Comment by _huayra_ | Hacker News Reader

This is the most frustrating part. I have so many team members who drag their feet on tons of projects and blame it on their parental obligations with seemingly endless levels of understanding from everyone, but if I were to say "I am really burnt out and want to take the day off to go skiing" once in a while, I become the team pariah.

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I think this is less blame on the parents and more blaming on society’s lack of understanding of human mental health. It’s just when it comes to parents, the trauma and misery of raising a child is more well known and therefore more understanding is granted. It’s also why people without children can be viewed as overly judgmental of flawed parenting— they are kind of being the guy who goes “what, you’re not over it already” to someone who was assaulted or similar.

> if I were to say "I am really burnt out and want to take the day off to go skiing" once in a while, I become the team pariah.

Find a better team—that's not normal behavior.

Yes it has taken me a while to realize this now, as I had bought into the "well kids are a valid excuse, so who am I to complain?" propaganda for too long. I'm starting the leetcode grind / github "resume" update since the start of this month for that reason.

> "I am really burnt out and want to take the day off to go skiing" once in a while, I become the team pariah.

I'm gonna say to my 7 year old daughter "hey I read this comment on hackernews .. so sorry daddy won't be there to deal with you.. cause I'm like burnt out, so I'm gonna go skiing, take care of yourself"

Your job is just as important to you as your daughter?

This is exactly the "holier than thou" attitude I was talking about. This is the 21st century and except in extremely rare situations (for which I can't even come up with an example, tbh), kids are a choice. Having the responsibility to take care of kids is a consequence of that choice.

It's not a bad choice, but treating the consequences of that choice as a reason for slacking at work as being more valid than others when the outcome to the team is the same (i.e. less time doing work) is the issue.

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