i'd like to get back into treatment but it seems futile at the moment. i've been trying to find treatment for many months to no avail. one receptionist laughed at me even - that was fun. i'm dealing with untreated bipolar2 and various anxiety disorders at the moment. it makes reaching out difficult, but i've been trying my best.

i prefer a long-term plan with the same care provider. i need some time to warm up to a provider. on-demand and remote doesn't mesh with me at all. i have the means; the problem is availability. since the pandemic things seem to be slammed...

in the mean time i've been trying to stay busy with my personal software projects. i'm planning to hike and exercise more, improve my diet, and cut back on my drinking. white-knuckling bp2 ain't no fun, i cycle quickly. hence the drink. but i know that is but a band-aid; a sometimes destructive band-aid at that. religion, stoicism, friends/family, etc alone ain't going "fix" me. unfortunately i need medication for life or my life falls apart.

i wish anyone else struggling nothing but peace. much love. ya ain't alone.