Ask HN: How would you take care of your mental well-being?

After ~4 years of doomscrolling, I finally uninstalled Twitter and Reddit from my phone (just minutes ago).

They were taking up 80% of my time, focus and energy while hardly adding 20% value on top of what I already know. Even if it weren't the case, delving into an activity would give infinitely more returns than reading yet another discussion on it.

I'm expecting to eliminate all infinite feeds from my daily routine by the end of this month. including HN.

Good luck. Resisting the impulse to open Reddit or Twitter every five seconds is hard. Then having a phone with stuff on but you can’t reflex-open those apps also takes a while.

Sounds like a good plan. Technology and social media make us stick to the screens. Self-discipline can help to improve the quality of our life :)

fitting name

What’s your preferred tool for blocking websites like HN?

Fortunately, my compulsion hasn't reached a state where I'd need to rely on blocking.

I'm just keeping the HN bookmark in a folder to keep it out of sight.

Rest of the job is to tame the mind that wanders every couple minutes to find an escape.

I use the noprocrast feature on HN. It's enough to keep me focused. I wish more sites implemented this. I might need software to do the same for reddit and other social media platforms. Not that I need it, but it does remind me how much time I've spent.

On one hand, the more time you spend on these platforms the more ad money they get so they have an incentive to keep you there. On the other hand, some platforms already have time limits implemented (some exclusive to children but still).

Social media on desktop -> Leechblock NG as browser addon.

Learning self-discipline the hard way rather than treating yourself like a naughty child being told off.

It's less mentally taxing when you know you can't visit a website compared to when you have to work to not visit it.

Yes, but that mental taxation is essentially unlearning a bad habit and why it feels so rough to go through.

I agree that if the sentiment of "but I didn't go on it" is the goal, sure, but it doesn't change the way you think. Breaking habits is hard and requires willpower, that's why most people never break them.

Neither.

Option 3: Opt for a long-term plan involving a counsellor trained in Adlerian psychology. It's not about delving into past life experiences but about working on emotion regulation, promotional thinking, etc. about the present and future.

Sounds like you might be working on a product here. I can't find good Adlerian psychologists/counsellor and I am willing to pay for a good one.

Thank you for the idea from Option 3!!!

I agree; unfortunately, Adlerian psychology has not become a mainstream practice yet, and we don't have many professionals trained in it. I am working on some alternative solutions to what we currently have. Traditional counseling sessions are designed more for illness.

Working on my mental health involves the following:

- healthy, fresh food

- regular exercise

- no alcohol or drugs (none)

- staying on good terms with family and friends

I think counsellors can be helpful if you're in the early stages of a real mental health issue. But once you've learned something like ACT (The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris) they aren't really necessary anymore.

I like the list you made for yourself!!! Everyone needs that list.

Thank you for sharing the ACT and I will check out that book.

rest, to ensure the rest stay on track.

It really can be this "simple"!

Starting with rest is always a good approach; sometimes, it can help clear your head.

I bought a Garmin watch (FR265) last month and it's been great in keeping me on track with my exercise routine. I don't care for its advanced features like 'training readiness' and 'sleep score' – I prefer not to rely on my watch to gauge how I feel for obvious reasons. However, I have customised my watch face to display a daily step counter and a weekly 'exercise minutes' counter [1], which tracks exercise performed at a medium to high heart rate. My target is 10,000 steps a day and 180 minutes of exercise per week. Having those stats available at a glance on my wrist has significantly helped me stay on top of them. I can recommend it! Otherwise, I've disabled all smartwatch features. 8-)

[1](https://i.imgur.com/LhJ86u2.jpeg)

On-demand single session is not personalized for you, so you will just get mostly boilerplate advices. If you want to go that route, go for the long-term as you can start getting personalized advice and root cause identification.

Off topic, on the question about my plans... I started cooking three years ago and that turned out to be an awesome mental exercise and mental well-being routine that takes you away from the screens.

1) It has many mindless tasks - chopping/cutting etc so your brain can still dream, 2) With advanced techniques and recipes your brain is completely shut-down and you have to be present in order to do something good, 3) Once you get to know the basics, cooking boosts your imagination as you can start combining and changing things your way. 4) teaches you patience, especially if you start baking...

Just start cooking and thank me later. + you'll eat healthier

Thank you for your cooking therapy :) Similarly, I like cleaning dishes LOL Cleaning dishes can be a therapeutic activity as well, providing a sense of order/clarity and helping unclutter the mind.

Well start cooking then too, you will pile up dishes. win-win :D

Last year I stopped using Reddit and that was good for me.

This year I plan to spend more time riding bicycles which I think will be good for me too.

Sounds like a great plan! Exercise is always beneficial for both the body and mind, and the two are closely connected.

Nice one!

Short answer: I am currently doing option 2.

Long answer:

I would say it depends on your mental condition(s). There are some conditions, specially transient ones where you could get some "as you go" counseling, apply the recommendations and review if needed. Others like depression, ADHD, GAD, etc I would recommend (based on experience as ADHD+GAD patient) to stick to a long-term commitment.

Taking myself as an example, currently I have a "subscription model" with my counselor/therapist where I pay in advance for a specific number of sessions and get 20% discount from normal session price. It is important for me to really identify the deeper issues as well organize the inner complications of living with ADHD + GAD, also important for accountability as in my case the therapist gives some "tasks" to me in a weekly basis.

Great response!!! Thank you for sharing your user experience.

Option 1) is designed for individuals with light to moderate mental health needs, dealing with common emotional issues like anxiety, stress, and depression typically coming from our daily lives such as careers, relationships, and lifestyles. Using immediate conversations with a counselor to promptly address and move past your emotions, allows you to refocus on your daily life quickly. While it may not be suitable for deep-seated issues or diagnosed illnesses that require long-term treatment and scheduled appointments, it can serve as a temporary immediate solution when calendar scheduling and waiting are not ideal.

You asked about working with a therapist. I’ve only ever opted for long term commitments - from one to years at a stretch. Many of the patterns that emerge now are well-worn over the course of your life; and that takes time to unearth in therapy.

It takes time to identify thinking patterns or shift your perspective/mindset.

I would choose neither. I'll personally deal with my problems myself, and I find that most of the time a few hours of being present and doing nothing helps improve my mental state by a ton.

Being present works very well for me. Focusing on the things I am working on is also a good option that can help me to get back on track.

I should probably do 2 but I haven't as of yet.

> In the new year, do you have any plans to enhance your mental well-being?

I feel like up until recently I've been trying to be perfect and hide myself out of fear of judgement. But now I realize that it's healthier to be judged, occasionally be embarrassed, but be seen for who I am

This sounds really superficial, but it feels a lot better to confide the embarrassing stuff (the more embarrassing the better) and have fewer things to hide

As human beings, we are naturally born with a variety of feelings and develop all kinds of thoughts. It's important to embrace who we are. Everyone likely harbors some secrets and encounters feelings that are challenging to handle. Counseling professionals are typically non-judgmental and provide a secure and safe space to discuss your issues.

i'd like to get back into treatment but it seems futile at the moment. i've been trying to find treatment for many months to no avail. one receptionist laughed at me even - that was fun. i'm dealing with untreated bipolar2 and various anxiety disorders at the moment. it makes reaching out difficult, but i've been trying my best.

i prefer a long-term plan with the same care provider. i need some time to warm up to a provider. on-demand and remote doesn't mesh with me at all. i have the means; the problem is availability. since the pandemic things seem to be slammed...

in the mean time i've been trying to stay busy with my personal software projects. i'm planning to hike and exercise more, improve my diet, and cut back on my drinking. white-knuckling bp2 ain't no fun, i cycle quickly. hence the drink. but i know that is but a band-aid; a sometimes destructive band-aid at that. religion, stoicism, friends/family, etc alone ain't going "fix" me. unfortunately i need medication for life or my life falls apart.

i wish anyone else struggling nothing but peace. much love. ya ain't alone.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Everyone has a preference in terms of counseling methods and duration. The shortage of counseling professionals is a nationwide issue, so you are not alone in having a hard time finding a counselor. While you are still in the process of searching, you can try to use some self-help apps (some of them are good and free as well) or public helplines. During the pandemic, each state launched additional free public help services for mental health. So, it does not hurt to give it a try. Sometimes the specialist on the line can point you in the right direction.

Good luck with your software projects and stay positive :)

My preference is not to pay, and not to work with a counselor.

I’m vaguely suspicious this is market research smuggled under an Ask HN post also.

Yes, I'm currently doing market research to understand what people seek in counseling. From my personal experience as a counseling service user, I've found that existing services often don't cater to my specific needs. Traditional counseling is primarily designed for illnesses and severe mental issues. What about taking care of people's mental well-being, not illness? In our fast-changing society with significant technological advances, we have increasing demand and also encounter new challenges in our daily lives. For example, older generations may not experience the anxiety caused by FOMO, which is an emotional response to social media. Many people have shared their experiences of how to deal with their mental well-being with or without using counseling, which is very helpful. So, I'm here to listen and learn from your experiences :)

I’ve been reading Alan Watt’s The Way of Zen in an attempt to unlearn the incredibly unhealthy thought patterns I’ve developed. Routing therapy has really helped so far, but I think having some sort of spiritual grounding might be helpful too.

I will check that out. Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear routing therapy helps.

Whoops, I meant doing therapy. Took me a bit to find a therapist that worked for me but it’s worth it

> How would you take care of your mental well-being?

Practicing/developing own philosophy, similar by the vibes to stoicism/buddhism, so I don't get broken enough to require a mechanic to fix me.

I find it very funny that nations who brag about having "science" and "technologies", proudly dismiss religion, but yet unable to come up with anything comparable to philosophical or religious systems, not talking about 100x improvements that terabytes of "scientific knowledge" bring.

I believe it is quite an advanced field involving neuroscience and human emotions. Hard to diagnose, treat, and measure. Not enough scientific research has been done in this field, and far from coming up with any solution. I guess we normally do not pay enough attention to our mental well-being. But, I always feel managing emotions and stabilizing our feelings is a great place to start.

Well, ancients managed to find damn good heuristics without all our knowledge and science. And we entire have a country proud of their universities, you know, ivy league branding and stuff, and they can't even take over the baton, just reprinting old books.

[I mean the mental firmware to not get broken. When it is really broken, I feel often it might be hard to climb out without a dedicated help of a _psychiatrist_.]

I believe research related to mental health is lagging. While ancient therapies may have been effective in the past, we're now living in a completely different age, and coping strategies and treatments need to advance accordingly. It can be very challenging to fix things when they are truly broken. That's why starting with mental well-being is crucial for taking control of it and building resilience. Don't wait until things are truely broken.

Well, I'd argue that fundamental things changed at all. On the contrary, humans got rid of their usual stressors like death, hunger or sickness. So maintaining mental health should be _easier_.

The new things of 21th century might me discipline of dealing with unnatural abundance of pleasure/information/change/people, but simple countermeasures already pop into my head without too much thinking, like abstaining from read news or social media.

Or learning to ignore the cultural values spread by random people around. Homo sapiens are known for unconscious masochism by accepting harmful values and proudly battling them :-) I moved to Southern Europe, and I find it funny that people here are more joyful and content despite they earn less $$$ than citizens of depressed hardworking superpowers. Of course, they may have their own problems, but even on the subconscious level their facial expressions or postures perceived as noticeably relaxed.

I agree, fundamental things haven't changed much. However, cultural and social factors significantly impact our mental health. There is research available on these social factors if you Google it. The US, with its advanced economy, science, and technology, being an immigrant country, has benefited from life sciences and medical advancements. Despite this, we grapple with a society that is more complex than most. For instance, a less family-oriented culture and individuals with more mobility mean we receive less support. While support is a crucial factor in counseling treatment. This leads me to think that learning coping strategies through many single one-session counseling sessions might be more useful and practical than opting for a long-term treatment plan that delves into the past to explore correlations :)

I take care of it by largely ignoring it.

Yeah, I've been there too in the past. Two-thirds of the population in the U.S. have never used counseling before, and mental well-being often gets neglected. Maybe consider giving it a try in 2024? That's where Option 1 can be an excellent introductory experience for first-time users.

Nah, I've done marriage counseling before. It can help change perspective/mindset, but doesn't change reality. There are always choices, but sometimes the best choice is to just trudge on since all the choices come with a price.

Absolutely. Counseling services are very expensive. Changing my perspective/mindset to regulate my emotions is exactly what I used it for. I have been in those emotional moments but the reality needs me to move on quickly. So, I have to reach out to the counselors for a quick solution for the emotion, not changing the realities.

Pretty sure I'm over-regulated.

Haha ~~~ See, that is option 1, maybe one session is enough in some life situations.