Interviewer:
First, congratulations, out of the 13000 applications we received, our AI selected yours for further consideration.
Now please take this test on the chemistry of lignin, and it's reactions. If you don't hear back with your results, it's because we decided not to persue a relationship at this time...
After the test, we will ask you to build a mock tudor house from rosewood. It should take no longer than a few days.
Again, if you don't hear back...
Then you will have an email interview with a junior from our Department of Talent, where we'll grill you on any blemishes in your record.
Following that, assuming you hear back from us, there will be a psuedo-scientific psychology and personality test.
By this point, some weeks or even months later, we may well have already hired internally, or just dropped the hiring requirement (even if it actually existed), but assuming we still need someone, you will then have a brief video call with whoever happens to be free in the department, to discuss wood and possibly carpentry, and houses and such ...
There will be 3 such interviews, and, assuming you hear back, you will then move to the next round, where we will ask you to build a ship's hull, and carve a medieval gargoyle ...
...
Thank you for your application to the role of 'nailgun operator'. Here at L'Arborious, we are passionate about hiring the top 0.01% of talent!