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To be honest, it sounds like you might be internally cynical and externally giving, and exhausted seeing the results.
Most of us quite frankly weren't raised to optimize our own social networks, but over time I've realized it's not that difficult to create a mutual understanding from which everyone can better respect/build themselves and each other up. (e.g. this favor you asked requires a lot more of me than it saves for you, therefore, it's an impolite ask and it's a no)
Frankly though most people don't think that far ahead. Without "training" or manners, the common man is generally prone to his selfishness. It's never been a secret or a revelation, but people enjoy their extremisms.
While I don't agree with the parent commenter, his message can be understood in multiple ways.
Look at me and my partners - I have lots of executive function, but little empathy, my wife has lots of empathy, but not as much executive function. She provides me an emotional sink when I need one, and I provide here stability and planning - we're both giving and taking from each other freely, but those are things we each have in excess. For our other partner we both provide him a level of support that he's on the right path, and a place to vent excess feelings (which she can take because of her empathy, and I can take because of my lack of empathy).
If I look thru my social network, I can see similar pairings - people give me things that I lack, and I give them the things I have in excess. People who end up being net takers, don't end up sticking around long (they make themselves unwelcome), and net givers end up burning themselves out - you need to keep things in balance.
Bad friends do exist, but so do good ones, and I suspect treating everyone as bad-by-default is a good way to become one of the bad ones yourself.
There is a remarkable disparity in how much people can create value and be of service to their communities. As such, a huge disparity in incomes as well. Worse still, a lot of how we value things is increasingly through and economic lens. I think a lot of modern cultures are beginning to devalue individuals and create a sense of helplessness among many people because they don’t have the cognitive faculties required to be effective and productive under these conditions and within these benchmarks of perceived value.
I think this will get worse because the reality is that people aren’t getting much smarter, but the smarter people are increasingly able to accomplish more with less.
This is certainly facile and there is more to this, but my intuition is that it’s a significant component. In other cultures, especially more traditional cultures, this ratio of givers and takers seems less askew and people have clearer roles and purpose.
To wrap up, I don’t blame people for being takers so to speak. There are greater forces at work. I imagine them like leaves floating down a stream, nowhere near as much in control of their course as we expect they should be or imagine otherwise.
A world that expects us to excel intellectually in order to succeed will leave a lot of people behind no matter what. I suspect something like half of people by default.
Disclaimer: I don’t know anything
As I've gotten older, I've realized it is actually more healthy to view professional contacts in this manner (but not necessarily family). It helps compartmentalize their behavior (which is intrinsically self-motivated) to just being "how the game is played".
My parents have had friends who have helped them when they’ve needed them and vice versa. I’m also fortunate that so far my friends have done the same as well and I’ve had the privilege to help them in their need.
One of the case studies that led me to the same conclusions as you was somebody that I had been helping regularly for years just casually mentioned how she wasn't spending time with one of her friends anymore because he was depressed.
Many others treated me like a professional supplier of several services, but only ever hung out with me when they really had nothing else going on.
Nowadays I only put up with people asking for emotional support (or any support really) if we made some good memories together in the last three months. If they chose to spend their time with others all this time, then they might as well go ask them for help.
Thus, what we believe about friends ultimately says little about other people and much about ourselves.
That way you end up with lots of reciprocal relationships where both parties give.
Most people in my life seem to jump at the opportunity to help if I make my needs clear. I don’t need to ask at all, it’s just a matter of if I present a problem or situation that they know and can solve. I’m much the same way. Perhaps it’s because of who I’ve surrounded myself with, but I find strangers tend to lean this way as well. People want to help. They just need to know how and be able to. Crossing that gap is usually the hard part.
But I also learnt that there are people that you can rely on and get help from, even if you were never close to them. Because that's just how they are as people.
I think it was much easier to know in the past who you could count on, because life was harder and you'd pretty soon be in a situation where you'd find out quickly who to trust. People didn't have time for endless socialisation without action.
Friendship and family are different. It is a man's primary purpose to provide for his family, and the love they have for him is conditional on his usefulness. This is a primary biological imperative and works this way across 99% of species.
A man in a friendship is not required to provide for other friends, but it is encouraged to raise his intergroup status.
That's an upside-down perspective on friendship. "Friendship" and "intergroup status" have nothing to do with each other. Somebody who wouldn't help you is not a friend, and any group that has "intergroup status" is a mob and not a group of friends.