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Yeah, but CGI has fallen out of fashion and needed a re-branding!

Nothing, really. The application not having an in-process web server, à la CGI, is what 'serverless' refers to.

Although CGI is a defined protocol. Serverless is a more broad term, not limited to any particular protocol.

(That's what I thought as well)

What's WASM but Java applets for Gen-Z?

Just run the Java in WASM!

And are we leaving performance on the table since jit based platforms never warm up?