On a lark, I searched for my issue "Hoover Carpet Cleaner Won't Spin". I found this[0] video. Apparently, the spinning bit can get stuck if moisture get trapped somewhere inside (who would've thought with it being all about moisture?), which causes the main rotary portion to stop working. A simple hex-bit force-turn sorted it out in 20 seconds.
I don't know what I would've done had I not stumbled on this issue, but the way things are today, I suspect most people would've thought "I guess it's broken", taken it to a landfill, and simply gone out to buy a new one.
It's a real shame that there's so much focus on "every person who owns an ICE needs to immediately drop $30,000+ on an electric vehicle", when there's so much opportunity in the "let's try to fix our stuff instead of dumping it" category. #righttorepair