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Comment by mortallywounded | Hacker News Reader

I've felt that way since my mid-20s because I started "late" professionally. I've been playing catch up ever since.

Although I've had a lot of success by conventional means (I run my own company solo, work for myself, I'm married with children, I own my house with no mortgage, etc).

My sights are still higher and I feel like I'm still playing catch up. I've been debating about what to focus my time on these days-- do I push more on my business and attain more success? Do I allow myself time to pursue interests that have little to negative financial upsides? Do I forget all of it and just spend that time with my family?

Wish I had a solution or answer for you, but I'm still figuring it out.

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Those questions are the same questions I would have. Not sure there's an easy answer for either of us unfortunately.

If I were you I'd probably spend time with my kids. They're only young once and getting to enjoy those years would probably mean the most to me.

Even that can be a puzzle. Kids can be hard work. People like to talk in rosy terms about spending time with kids, especially when it’s the “idea” of kids or the “memory” of their own kids. Yet few parents of presently young children describe their days as blissfully idyllic. So what does “enjoy” really mean? Aside from basics like “don’t work 90 hour weeks” or “don’t travel for work three weeks a month”.

Most of "enjoying time with your kids" is less about what you do and the fact you're there to do it.

It's about building the memories and the trust (in both directions) that anchors the family together. That'll pay off as they grow older and come into their own identities and start to drift away from you into their own lives.

It's partly about setting up opportunities for the big events that people idealize and have nostalgia for. If you're not there, you can't have those great experiences.

It's partly about having the bad experiences. Sometimes those matter more in the long run for building the deep, meaningful, and lasting relationship.

The day-to-day often sucks and often isn't "enjoyed". But the cumulative results of the time and the good and the bad - that takes long-term investment.

Taking care of kids is hard sometimes, no doubt. But spending time with your young kids can absolutely be fun and truly enjoyable. It takes effort to come up with activities and start them. When they begin talking it gets way more fun. I enjoy hanging out with my child and I would describe my days as blissfully idyllic a majority of the time. If you put in the work it pays off with intense fulfillment, pride, and a best friend. I think for this to work you need to be present with your child and actively engaging almost everyday for long periods.

I admit I don’t know that many parents personal enough to know if most are feeling more burdened than not. I would hope that is not the case.

On a basic level, kids give off joy and kids enjoy the world in ways that are long dead to us.

It is enjoyable to watch them grow and putting energy into kids when they are young feels rewarding.

Pretty much everything a kid does is important and/or rewarding biologically to the parents.

I've noticed parents don't talk about it in public, they've forgotten what it is like to be single and wrapped up in work.

Parents often only say that 'you should have kids' and 'it's great' with no further description of what it is like.

Parents are a strange phenomena, they become tribal and grounded, once a man becomes a father.

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