I don't like losing, I want to always win. That's why I don't play.
I've been thinking recently that I should play anyway so that I could grow out of this condition. Any tips for that?
I've been thinking recently that I should play anyway so that I could grow out of this condition. Any tips for that?
1. Instead of thinking, "sheesh, I suck" after losing, start thinking, "well played" (even if your opponent was in a losing position and beat you on time or with a sneaky pre-move; they still won). This simple reframing makes it less about the gaps in your abilities and more about having found an opponent who outplayed you that game. Finding better opponents is a good thing; you will learn more.
2. Actively make loss about growth: review games you lost. Find (a) the losing move and (b) the reason you made that move (harder, but important). Use that info to change your thought process to reduce future mistakes. This can be as simple as, "it's 2am and I've been playing blitz for 3 hours, I'm too tired to play my best, I'll stop playing after midnight". Or "I keep missing mate threats. I will say "checks, captures, threats" in my head after my opponent makes a move to train myself to systematically seek dangerous intent, until that process is so internalised that it's natural. I will also solve mate-in-one[1] or mate-in-two[2] puzzles on Lichess for 10 minutes a day until they feel obvious."
3. If you lose three games in a row, stop playing for a while (a few minutes/hours/days, whatever you need). If losses hugely affect your mood, a long string of them can make you feel really low. Pre-emptively break that cycle and do something else for a while.
My suggestion based on my own emotions with chess is that you should start playing quick games like 3+2 or something. The time and emotional "investment" in those games is low enough that you might not care when you lose. Just start another game and try again. Losing classical game that you were playing for 2 weeks is a different beast.
Oddly, the only sport where I'm chill about losing is tennis, where I think "nice, they played really well". Everywhere else, including chess, it's "how could you do this to me".
The only time I managed to be chill in chess was after I'd taken MDMA, and then when I'd lose I'd think "they played better, they deserve it". It went away after a few days, though, never to be repeated (presumably without more MDMA).
From every loss I learned something (either that my tactics need work, that I need to improve my understanding of this or that structure, that I need to add a line to my repertoire), from victories not so much.
Also I find that going for a beer with opponent when they win is usually much better experience than when they lose - people tend to be more open and talkative after win than after loss.
In case of the loses you feel way more in control somehow (ooh, I definitely shouldn't have done that) or are just funny (I can't do anything, they are wiping the floor with me, it's comical) where you set up your own small goals to achieve because you have no hopes of actually competing (yes! I got him this one time so it's 12-1 not 12-0).
Players are very lucky if they can irl find people that can beat them. The goal should always be to play someone who is better when possible, because it's the only way to improve via gameplay.
Most people don't play chess. Many fewer will ever play beyond the casual game with someone over a holdiay. Meaning that anyone who is remotely serious about improving will likely very quickly find themselves without anyone better to play.
I'm not a "good" chess player. But about half of the adults that I know, who play, won't play me for the same reason that you don't play. So I mostly teach children to play. Some of them can play now. They likely won't beat me for a long time to come. I don't improve over these games. The games are sometimes marginally fun for me. One kid won't learn for the same reason that you won't play. Those who do play are lucky to be able to improve their game against my play.
If you lose a game, just stop playing for a bit, and don't give in to the feeling of wanting to play another to prove you can win. This will only result in frustration.
If you lose, make yourself think "That was a fun game. I learned X, and will try and do Y next time."
I've found that there are some games that losing isn't completely off-putting. But I think the real issue is that the fun I get from most games is in winning, not in playing. If I was playing for not reason (not to win, no goals, etc) I wouldn't play it, and would do something else instead. Winning makes it feel enough better than I want to play.
I've been trying to "overcome" this, too, and having the right mindset is start. "I'm here to enjoy the game, not the win.", etc.
Good luck. :)
There is a reason why single player video games are still popular. It is fun to win!
I play ARPGs, where, I mow down hordes of enemies with a mere mouse click with fun graphics and sound.
Is this cotton candy compared to playing PvP games. Absolutely. I've done serious PvP before. But, after a day of work... sometimes, it is just fun to save the world, or make it burn.
Successful people fail often. Failures fail only once.
If you want success, make failure part of your DNA.