May be you should ask Romania, Poland, Sweden or Finland how they feel about having NATO’s protection/presence against Russia’s aggression. “Team America World Police” as you mocked.
May be you should ask "Team America" why they are meddling with countries on the other side of the world. Maybe sitting besides two gigantic pools of water helps?
Maybe because it helps tip the balance in your favour? Dunno about you but we've had just about enough Soviet dominance in Eastern Europe. We're gonna have have "US hegemony" for a change now, being "US satellites", as Russia likes to picture it.
We appreciate it very very very much and welcome you with open arms.