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kaon123

Nothing works if that person is your superior and holds absolute power over you.

Examples situations close friends of mine have experienced:

1. You are a PhD student and he (and it usually is a he) is your professor.

2. You are in a profession with limited opportunity (say, HR) and he is your boss.

3. You are an immigrant, and losing your job means leaving the country.

4. All of the above.

I feel articles like these are written by people that have never been in above situations. If you are in a dependency situation, you are fucked. Pro lifetip: Avoid dependency situations whenever you can. And sometimes you can't and just have to hope for the best.

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Absolutely all of that.

About a year of my enlistment in the Marine Corps was under a platoon sergeant who was one of the worst people I have ever met. Petty, cruel, and genuinely sadistic. He had authority over virtually every aspect of our lives, to include things like random barracks inspections in the middle of the night (that was definitely not the worst of it). It was a nightmare.

It was a defining period and I got out vowing to never put myself in a position where someone had that much control over my life again.

Did you decline to re-enlist?

I did, but it was a surprisingly close thing!

My friend and I were recruited for a counterintelligence spot that paid a $35,000 re-enlistment bonus at the time. I just couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger and stay in.

My friend stayed for another two enlistments before getting out. His stories convinced me I made the right decision. He now has a very lucrative related job in the private sector while I shifted gears entirely.

Your 3rd bullet really hits hard, I had many colleagues at an old job who would do insane things for our company because they were on a visa and had purchased a home and they explained to me that they can't afford to not do every single thing asked. It was so heartbreaking.

I've worked at a place with mostly HB1 engineers and I've seen this lead to bad software because almost no one can say no to dumb requests. In these environments, no one challenges the higher ups and just do what they are told, no questions asked.

> 2. You are in a profession with limited opportunity (say, HR) and he is your boss.

Why is your example HR? Literally every company has an HR function and they're often quite large organizations. There's tons of opportunity to move away from a bad boss in HR.

A better example would be some company-specific niche role [1], where the only similar roles would be at a competitor located on the other side of the country.

[1] I could give examples, except those would give away more personal info that I want to

>and it usually is a he

My toxic boss (she) was a diversity hire (women in tech) with limited experience (fast tracked for management) but unlimited support from the top (diversity quotas). I ended up bullied out of the company with damaged mental health (anxiety attacks).

People holding power over others should always consider that hammers are easy to get

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodore_Streleski

People in general should not be seriously forced to consider that a coworker will murder them, regardless of the power imbalance in the workplace. This is totally out of line.

how is it out of line to understand that disrespect invites the same? the above example's departed professor would surely agree ;)

I would add bad colleagues. I worked with two people who were very toxic, but loved by the Queen Cersi-like manager. Those two hated me and took great joy undermining my work. The evil manager enabled the atrocious colleague behavior.

5. Your superior has deep previous relationships with other higher level people in your company.

> Nothing works if that person is your superior and holds absolute power over you.

The only reason they become issues is if they don't like you. Otherwise, these are still valid. The post isn't about working with someone who dislikes you. It's about working with someone you dislike.

Especially not if they're a narcissist or some other label on the Cluster B spectrum.

Some people are inherently toxic. You should not assume good will, because they're motivated by antagonism and hierarchy, not a genuine need to solve problems together.

Worse, they're incapable of empathy. And they gravitate to positions of power. So the higher you go, the more likely you are to meet them.

Obviously it's wildly and unhelpfully wrong to suggest everyone you have friction with is like this.

But it's also unrealistic to ignore the existence of a personality type that can be incredibly destructive, professionally and personally.

> Avoid dependency situations whenever you can.

The most important lesson programming has ever taught me.

You are fucked if they don’t like you. If it’s just you not liking them without it being fiercely mutual, the article may still apply.

I’ve been in the situation #3. The rule is that you put your best game face on and try to either fly under the radar or not give them reasons to dislike you. Create a network of acquaintances on your own level and get as much intelligence as you can.

Brave Soldier Švejk is practically required reading for getting the right kind of attitude.

> he (and it usually is a he) is your professor

This has not been true for some years now: https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=61

1. Can be managed if you have direct contacts with the deans. I really don’t recommend this unless you know exactly what to do. You can’t teach academic managing up. Also if you’re on an H1-B or F1 (not domestic) I agree you’re cooked.

4 sounds particularly bad. A male PhD professor who's also your (usually?) male HR boss and you're in on H1B.

I'm not entirely sure when the gender entered the equation.

There are bad female PhD professors, it's not just men. I think OP may be female or chose it for convenience example.

There really should be no excuse for sexism.

It's a result of sexism, though. That's the average age of a tenured professor these days, 60? We are just now starting to see the effects of women enterting the top of the workforce chains.

In the parent comment.

You can just as well be on an F1 and all the professor has to do is deny funding for a semester, and you've wasted years of effort.

Laugh not. I've been there. Not a H1B but a work visa in another country. PhD yes, worse, lapsed but threw it around, better, business setting.

My 'way out' was to stay on and keep building good terms with his boss's equivalent in another part of the company, one of the owners. Worked out ok. Had she not been there, I'd have left.

I also worked overseas on a visa tied to my employer. I managed to move job to stay in the country; otherwise I'd have had issues too. But I didn't think it was an awful situation exactly - it was the exact one I'd chosen.

Absolutely agree.

Especially with supervising professors.... The dumbest people... And Hr... Shit people..

I agree with the GP comment that if someone is in a supervisory role to you and you don't like them, do everything you can to find a way out.

The thing I find so amusing about your comment is that, in a thread about dealing with toxic people, you have written off "supervising professors" as "the dumbest people", and all of HR as "Shit people", and you fail to see the irony.

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