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Comment by motohagiography | Hacker News Reader

Good, dating apps were scams and people are getting wise to them. Don't buy lottery tickets, don't gamble, don't use slot machines, and don't waste precious time on dating apps. Those apps had the same effect on relationships for whole generations as gambling addictions as well.

When you hear someone say, "sounds like you had a bad experience there friend, maybe you should try again and do something different," admit that yes, you got taken at a casino, and the different thing to do is to not spend your time in casinos.

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>When you hear someone say, "sounds like you had a bad experience there friend, maybe you should try again and do something different," admit that yes, you got taken at a casino, and the different thing to do is to not spend your time in casinos.

And also those that say "I've met my wonderful wife/husband in Tinder, maybe you should keep trying" and most of those cases (in my personal experience) date back to 2016 and before. When there weren't so many people just trying to get followers, bots, scammers, etc. etc. Besides survivorship bias, of course.

Just commented exactly that above -.-

But yea I stopped using them in 2016, so they got that much worse since then I guess?

I think so. Apps never worked for me finding a long term partner but they used to be kinda okay at least. Maybe something about reducing the profile to just swiping yes or no based on a photo has made it awful? And inviting men to pay to be the topmost left swipe in a series of a woman's hundreds of low-compatibility "matches."

YMMV but this doesn't seem true to what I've witnessed in my own life. I can think of many friends (I'm 29) who found either an LTR or their spouse using dating apps. In many cases they were single for long stretches and complained bitterly about the process of finding a partner, but in this respect, I'm not sure if apps are different from any of the alternatives.

> I'm not sure if apps are different from any of the alternatives.

What benefit or life experience do you get sitting in your apartment, or even in public, swiping left on thousands of faces in the hopes of one matching, vs. the alternatives like participating in other relationships, growing, developing skills, enjoying activities, and living life? Like gambling, the winnings only seem free when you ignore the opportunity cost.

Obviously, enjoy your winnings if you have them. I've met some great women on the apps as well, and mainly I benefitted from how they were so unhappy with what they had they were looking for literally anyone else, but ultimately that unhappiness didn't change. As a life strategy the apps are as wishful and passive as reading your horoscope for lucky numbers and imagining what you would do if you won the lottery.

>What benefit or life experience do you get sitting in your apartment, or even in public, swiping left on thousands of faces in the hopes of one matching, vs. the alternatives like participating in other relationships, growing, developing skills, enjoying activities, and living life?

there are no time requirements on dating apps. you could spend a few minutes a day looking for matches and still go out and do all the activities you listed.

I personally had great experience with dating apps. Met two of my long-term partners on an app. Not sure if I would still use them now, but back then it wasn't bad.

Of course social media and the internet has enshittified a lot over the last 10 years, so my experience could be different now.

Yeah, like for a lot of things, there was a window. Tinder was probably the pivot. When Tinder was at its peak, so were dating apps. Now, they're all just kind shit. They've gamified the wrong aspects.

I think it's totally not in the interests of dating apps for you to find a long term partner and stop using the app. They need a charging structure that is a fixed single cost, not a subscription. Ideally if you don't get a match in, say, 2 years, you should get your money back.

It’s a bit complicated because they rise and fall by word of mouth.

People will say things like, “everyone on Tinder is gross lately but I’m going out with someone cute from Hinge Thursday so fingers crossed”. And their friends will download Hinge/be more likely to delete Tinder if it’s not working for them either.

Maybe the ideal situation for the apps would be to match you with a steady stream of short term partners who turn into good friends, so you both say good things about the app and also keep using it.

Met my wife through OKC when it was still good, with that percentage questionnaire match score and such. By all accounts it's about as crappy as all the other dating apps now, so I suppose I lucked out on hitting the right point in time.

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