Dating apps lose their luster with college students
axios.com
axios.com
Societal norms have changed. Why risk rejection in person?
The ones afraid of rejection are still afraid of rejection.
The opposite is true on campuses. There are now far more women than men at college. Outside of IT/engineering, the ratio is around 3:2 and very favourable to men.
I always pushed to meet in person early instead of weeks of chatting. Far easier to fight out if there is chemistry and you can continue chatting after (if it goes well ofc)
The computer systems technology program had around 300 people when I started it, and 3 of them were women. By the time we all graduated there were zero.
A few of us tried to game the system by choosing electives like "The Mating Game" but to no avail.
Yes they get more messages, they also filter and ignore many. That doesn't mean you can't land a date. There's a difference between guys who chase after absolutely everyone and guys who show more genuine interest in a person, and that comes through in the communication.
You're also preaching to the choir on college, I think the opportunity should be exploited to meet people in person, that doesn't mean online dating is rendered redundant.
There are a ton more unwritten/unspoken rules about this now, it seems, than even a decade or two ago. Rules about when/where it's okay to hit on someone, what is permissible to say, etc. And these rules seem to change from person to person: so one never knows what they actually are.
That can still happen using an app. You just won't be standing there to see it. Speaking of which, why would one even ask a girl in front of their friends if one can't handle the inevitable giggling? If you see them often enough to spark your interest, then you'll find a better opportunity to ask then to make a show of it.
I've never solicited a complete stranger except at a bar. Basically every time I've gone on a date with someone I've met out-in-the-world, I had the chance to talk to them about something then ask if they want coffee, or whatever. On campus you eventually get this opportunity through colleagues. You make a few friends and then have friends, and if you show up to stuff the chances are always there.
I think a lot of anxiety comes from the idea that one is meant to confront people on-sight at inappropriate moments. One shouldn't do that, nor is it even necessary to be successful.
Best thing to do in college is keep your hands or other body parts to yourself. You don't need to be worried about getting laid while you have studies to focus on.
Meeting people you want to date is one thing. Meeting people who ALSO want to date you back is the elusive part.
However, talking doesn’t have to lead to dating. It can just lead to hanging out platonically in large groups, then hooking up casually.
Usually the music is so loud that you have to scream into someone's ear to be heard. Also a girl with her friends who is approached by a random guy will usually say no simply because she doesn't want to be perceived as easy.
I have heard that this is why the Milwaukee School of Engineering opened a nursing school; to bring women to a very men-heavy university.
there are some really out of touch takes here. dating apps haven't been about necessity for 10 years, that's exactly why the stigma of using an online matchmaker disintegrated.
people are moving away from them because they don't work well enough to justify the time and cost, and the negative effects on confidence are now known enough that thinly veiled digs at the user complaining about them don't work either. so because bad experiences aren't invalidated anymore, and the bad experience can be quantified, people are opting out entirely.
more literature on this topic - ‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/oct/28/its-qui...
That number doesn't check with what i'm observing on college students. It's more the other way around. I also got the feeling that for more than a decade every month some article claims the end of the tinder/bumble/etc age.
Maybe there was some bias they didn't account for; a thousand students isn't that many.
1) For men, the app is absolutely flooded with sex workers and bots. 2) For women, the app is filled with the small subset of men who haven't been repulsed by the sex workers and bots - namely the desperate and the chronically lonely
Not sure if anyone knows the reality, as the dating apps for sure aren't sharing data on relevant metrics.
And all the fake accounts? fake bots? Scamming accounts? Premium? Super Premium services are not worth it?
ohhh nooo
This is evident even in this discussion where college students are partially stigmatized for resorting to dating apps amidst a sea of peers.
What do you think?
There were years that I would travel constantly for work. All around Europe, and later in US, India and a bit of China. I never use dating apps (and have exited the social media many years ago), so tracking my location would have me banned in two weeks. It will have to be very strict, to e.g. move to 3 cities in 1 day, where the cities are over 200km apart or something. Kinda like trying to catch the Pokemon-Go Android modded apps 'walking' cheaters.
I think there isn't enough incentive for some of them (again, Tinder) to bother. If enough people stop using them, maybe they will incentivized to do better.
Bumble: "Premium" upgrade "from $29.99"
Tinder: Different levels. Tinder+ starts at $12.99, Gold starts at $18.99
I presume each has a discount for length of subscription but still quite expensive given their history.
As other people mentioned in the thread I did not really need them while in University, but after graduation, being in SF Bay Area in tech, meeting women became challenging.
In this geography (SF Bay Area) and subculture (tech) the number of women, especially good looking, who are single is objectively small. You rarely meet them in real life.
Dating apps solve this issue - open an app, match, chat, meet.
But in other geographies and subcultures, meeting in person would be more efficient and enjoyable.
But even if students stay away form it, dating apps industry waits for disruption. And I hope, this time executive teams in Tinder, Bumble, etc will not ignore this signal and invest into creating a better experience for all sides.
When you hear someone say, "sounds like you had a bad experience there friend, maybe you should try again and do something different," admit that yes, you got taken at a casino, and the different thing to do is to not spend your time in casinos.
And also those that say "I've met my wonderful wife/husband in Tinder, maybe you should keep trying" and most of those cases (in my personal experience) date back to 2016 and before. When there weren't so many people just trying to get followers, bots, scammers, etc. etc. Besides survivorship bias, of course.
But yea I stopped using them in 2016, so they got that much worse since then I guess?
Of course social media and the internet has enshittified a lot over the last 10 years, so my experience could be different now.
People will say things like, “everyone on Tinder is gross lately but I’m going out with someone cute from Hinge Thursday so fingers crossed”. And their friends will download Hinge/be more likely to delete Tinder if it’s not working for them either.
Maybe the ideal situation for the apps would be to match you with a steady stream of short term partners who turn into good friends, so you both say good things about the app and also keep using it.
What benefit or life experience do you get sitting in your apartment, or even in public, swiping left on thousands of faces in the hopes of one matching, vs. the alternatives like participating in other relationships, growing, developing skills, enjoying activities, and living life? Like gambling, the winnings only seem free when you ignore the opportunity cost.
Obviously, enjoy your winnings if you have them. I've met some great women on the apps as well, and mainly I benefitted from how they were so unhappy with what they had they were looking for literally anyone else, but ultimately that unhappiness didn't change. As a life strategy the apps are as wishful and passive as reading your horoscope for lucky numbers and imagining what you would do if you won the lottery.
there are no time requirements on dating apps. you could spend a few minutes a day looking for matches and still go out and do all the activities you listed.
Problem at college is consent for intercourse. How do you record consent, so it does not get revoked a few days latter? Too many students were dragged through mud, and had their lives destroyed!
#TechnicalSolutionsToSocialProblems