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Comment by sadhorse | Hacker News Reader

I don't understand where you are coming from. I've met cab drivers in the third world that are successful, because they live the life they want. I've met investment bankers in the first world that are failures, they are rich but can't do what they want because "N reasons", trapped as you put.

A parent that cares for a disabled child is only a failure as long as he does not want to do it but has to. In this case he is not only a failure but a horrible person.

I volunteer to care for old people 1h per month and I do not consider this a burden or entrapping or nothing like that. In fact I've met my first wife like this.

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> A parent that cares for a disabled child is only a failure as long as he does not want to do it but has to. In this case he is not only a failure but a horrible person.

> I volunteer to care for old people 1h per month

I'm sorry, it does not render what you're doing irrelevant, but the comparison is laughable.

Caring for a disabled children is a full time job. I can't imagine that most were hoping to be in that situation when they conceived. It doesn't prevent them from being good carers for the child they love. If you meet some of these parents, ask them. Then you can tell them they are horrible people because as opposed to them you voluntarily go to chat with an oldie for 1h a month.

Have some empathy.

>A parent that cares for a disabled child is only a failure as long as he does not want to do it.

I’ve seen the parents of severely disabled children. The daily work, financial cost, and social cost is immense. They don’t give up their children often out of duty and sympathy not because they ever wanted to live a life like that. They are burdened and entrapped and it’s not simply a matter of mindset.

Not even the disabled children would be keen to agree with you that their self-sacrificing parents are failures and horrible people if they feel they’ve been burdened and entrapped. THEY feel burdened and entrapped themselves. People in a bad situation can sympathize with people’s circumstances for what they are. They might resent the parent being open about their feelings, but not for having them at all.

As for why the 3rd world cab driver does not feel this way, a cab driver in the third world is often doing relatively well compared to their peers, they may have grown up in worse circumstances, and cab driving is something relatively easy to give up for a few years and then pick back up no worries. That’s not nessecarily true of the investment banker or the parent of the disabled child.

This sounds rather stoic. But people do not all have the same philosophy of life.

Your definition of what constitutes a "failure" doesn't have to be the same as someone else, and that's OK.

I agree with that, and I am comfortable with the prospect of others not putting themselves first, therefore opening up the possibility of them putting my interests first.

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