I’m curious if you looked at Heroku (I work there). You mention functions (which we don’t support), also servers (which we definitely support). I’m curious if that’s it or there was more to the decision.
I tried many clever workarounds but their alt-account defector is top notch (props to that team).
Asked around in dev circles and they recommended me fly io.
Idk who hurt heroku for them to put such measures in place but I’ve never encountered such strict policies before, and I’ll forever avoid places like that.